Dealing with Emotional Aspects like Insensitivity and Anger When Losing Your Job

One of the most difficult emotional aspects of losing your job often stems from the way most companies handle terminations. Many companies are clumsy or downright inept in the way they conduct layoffs. Their rough treatment of you can further exacerbate the feeling that you somehow brought it on yourself If your employer handled the situation badly, you need to remember that it likely had nothing to do with you and your performance. Layoff horror stories abound. Some of the better ones are:

• A large defense contractor had several sales offices across the country. When the decision was made to close many of these offices, the company flew all affected employees to the company's California headquarters for an important company meeting. On a Sunday night, far away from family and friends, these people were told they were out of a job. Many of them were given only two weeks' severance pay. "What could we do at this point?" one woman asked. "Everybody headed straight for the hotel bar to start drinking."
  
  
• A young broker for a Chicago brokerage firm found out he was out of work when he received a certified letter on a Saturday morning informing him that his company was dropping his insurance coverage.
  
  
  
  
• A brand manager for a consumer products firm had a stellar annual review and received the highest possible raise for someone at her management level. Three weeks later her boss called her in to tell her she was losing her job and that she should clean out her office "within the hour."
  

When faced with the prospect of having to fire someone, most managers react badly. In addition, most companies believe that an abrupt, terse termination is the best approach when laying off employees. The result is usually an insensitive or even cruel experience for the person being laid off Lynn remembers thinking, "The hardest thing for me was the way they dealt with me. I had put heart and soul into that company. I'd worked overtime whenever they needed it. I really cared about my work and the designers who worked for me. I never dealt with the company in a 'bottom-line' way. It really hurt that they saw me as just one extra salary to do away with. They certainly used bottom-line criteria when they let me go."

In addition to the clumsy handling of employee terminations, many companies inflict more damage trying to justify their actions afterwards. If you maintain contact with some of the people left behind, you may find that the real reasons for the company's actions take on a different light. In an effort to bolster the sagging morale of remaining employees, your former employer may try to make it seem as if the people who were laid off were somehow at fault.

''I remember talking to one of the other accountants in the department not long after I was laid off," one woman recalls. ''He told me a rumor had started that I wasn't laid off after all. One of the bookkeepers had said to him, 'Oh, come on, Phil, don't you realize that she wasn't laid off, she was fired. There was no effort on my former manager's part to stop any of the rumors. I remember how sick it made me feel that people I used to work with were wondering what I did to get fired."

Rumors about the "real" reasons behind termination tend to move quickly within a company. Your former manager may do little to stop such rumors because it takes the heat off him or her for letting you go. In addition, many people left behind will cling to such rumors because it offers them a way to justify what happened. If they believe your termination was a random event caused by the company's financial problems, that means they could be next. If, on the other hand, they believe you did something awful to get fired, the people left behind can sleep better at night.

Unfounded rumors about your performance are usually more damaging to your self-esteem than to your career. Rather than dwell on the situation, you need to ignore people's often petty need to distort the issues behind sudden layoffs. As you concentrate on finding a new position, realize that the unfounded opinions of former co-workers are not relevant to your future and can only hinder your progress if you dwell on them.