I am suffering from a shortage of questions this week, but that's okay because it allows me to write on a subject I have wanted to write about for several weeks: priorities and balance. This column will not be the typical career stuff.

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	So what are your priorities, and where should the balance lie?

When I got into coaching, one of the first things I swore not to do was personal/life coaching. After all, people typically come to me in job-search mode. The last things they want to think and talk about are their personal lives. Also, I do a lot of spiritual mentoring outside my coaching, so I didn’t have the desire to do it in the coaching too. You people all needed to find a job — that’s the bottom line. Of course, with two of the first people I coached, I spent much more time on the personal than I did on the professional…Or did I? I don’t really believe that you can completely separate the two, despite all my idealistic professionalism.

One of the early questions I typically ask candidates in my recruiting role is “What is the main driver in your life today?” You might be surprised at how many people answer with a response of a personal nature, such as something about a spouse, children, family, etc. I wonder what this question might look like (getting past the job search) in a coaching mode? I think I will start asking it to find out.

So what are your priorities, and where should the balance lie? That is a question only you can answer. I can tell you what mine are, but you have to determine yours. For those readers who are in job-search mode, and for those who are not, this is the perfect time to look at the question. The answers might well help you to decide on your next position.

Several years ago I read an article in Forbes about women executives dropping out of corporate America. There are a higher percentage of them than there are of male dropouts. Some of them are dropping out of the career ranks altogether, or at least for an extended period of time. Some are dropping out due to the “glass ceiling,” even though that is disappearing more and more. But many more of them are dropping out because of the politics, the constant focus of “your job is your life”, etc. These women have been smart enough to figure out “I don’t need this nonsense.” Most men, however, are still caught in that ridiculous mindset.

Just this last week I read in a newsletter aimed at fathers (and grandfathers) an article about “unfathered” children. Of course, we all know about the millions that are simply physically without fathers. But what about the millions whose fathers spend 80-100 hours each week at work? We condemn the first but applaud the second. “They are just trying to get ahead, to make a better life for their children, etc.,” we say. But is there really much of a difference? Note: I am not particularly interested in making a political statement or doing a social commentary.

I would suggest to you that any job search and career assessment should contain a personal/life component. This should include questions like:

• How much time do I spend in my career versus personal time?
• How many family commitments have I missed in the last 12 months?
• How do my spouse and children feel about the quality time I give to them?
• How much time alone do I have for spiritual and personal development?
• How many hours a week do I spend working at home, whether I have an office or a home office, which could be spent on personal time? By the way, the home office can be a real trap if you are not careful. The computer and telephone are there 24/7.
• When was the last time I took a vacation without taking work or business-related reading material with me?

''I am done with working 60, 70, 80 hours each week.''

I think these questions and others would be real eye-openers for all of us. Don’t forget also to ask the converse questions. For example, how much time would I like to spend on personal matters?

I read an article almost 30 years ago on workaholism. There were a couple of interesting statements. The first one was that the workaholic tends to put tasks off until the end of the day because they are going to be at the office anyway. Then the end of the day becomes later because the time we were going to leave now becomes the time we get those tasks done. The other statement was that workaholics actually tend to be less productive. They don’t prioritize as much and don’t eliminate the things that really don’t need to be done or can be delegated.

There’s a saying that goes, “The one who dies with the most toys wins.” While that might be humorous to all of us, the sad reality is it seems to be how most of us live our lives. And yet, I have never seen an award on a coffin for most hours worked, most money earned, highest rank attained, etc. When we die, after all, that’s it. As another saying goes, “No one gets out of here alive.”

For many of you, especially those currently in jobs, this journey will be just that. It is a process, not an event. It won’t happen all at once, but if you never start to address this, it will never happen. You will get to be 55, 60, 65, etc.; your children will be grown; and your grandchildren will be approaching their teen years. You will be asking yourself, how did this ever happen? Remember the old Harry Chapin song “Cat’s in the Cradle.”

I want to close with this. In Judaism they observe Shabbat, or the Sabbath. This starts at sundown on Friday and lasts to sundown on Saturday. There are also Sabbaths around most of the major Jewish holidays. The more observant the person is, the greater length they will typically go to so that they can have this day of rest, renewal, and reflection. In Israel, particularly in Jerusalem, everything starts to shut down around noon on Friday and then stays closed through at least sundown on Saturday. There is an old question among the Jews, “Do we work all week so we can rest on the Sabbath, or do we rest on the Sabbath so we have the energy to work all week?” The answer, I think, is yes.

You don’t need to be religious to take a day of rest, to change your priorities, to say, “I am done with working 60, 70, 80 hours each week.” All you need to do is make that decision to start getting there.

I hope this column has encouraged some of you and made you think about balancing your life like you may have been talking about doing for a long time.

Here’s Wishing You Terrific Hunting,

Bill

About the Author

Bill Gaffney has 17 years of experience as an executive recruiter and career coach. Bill can be reached at 937-567-5267 or wmgaffney@prodigy.net. For questions to be considered for this column, please email askamaxa@yahoo.com.

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