We seek balance because we're stressed. We gravitate toward balance when our activities are not closely aligned enough with our values, or are too taxing to be healthy over the long haul.
But the idea of perfect balance is a pipe dream, and trying to find it a wasted effort.
There now seems to be more pressure to be successful — in the cultural sense — than ever before. While doing the job of two or three people at work, we're expected to be exemplary parents, and also have a life in which we actively enjoy our avocations and hobbies, while taking superb care of our bodies, spirits, and minds. If you think balance needs to be a daily practice, think again. While it's a wonderful goal, it's not realistic for most folks. Balance often simple becomes another to-do on an ever-expanding and guilt-inducing list.
What if the balance we're looking for in our lives was more like the balance that nutritionists suggest in our diets? In other words, we don't need to eat all the proper numbers of servings from the five food groups each and every day, but if we get a good balance over a month, that's still quite healthy.
Translating that to the bigger picture, that might mean that there are times when we need to work more than usual, and other times when we can take more time off; times when we focus more intently on our hobbies and passions, and other times when they get a bit neglected because there are other important priorities. There may be times when we take really good care of ourselves, and other times when that slips a bit; days when we devote a lot of attention to our family, and other days when there is less energy and time to focus on them. And that's okay — it is as it needs to be.
The aim of balance is to live a well-rounded life and to renew and refresh your productive and creative energies on a regular basis so you can contribute to the best of your potential. Here are some useful tips to help you achieve a realistic balance:
- Get Mindless. The other side of work isn't only family time; it also includes activities that rejuvenate you, whether that's spa time or a simple hot bath, sports, meditation, fishing, taking a walk, or sitting in your yard and watching the birds in the trees or the clouds in the sky. This ''mindless'' time is critical to restoring your mental prowess, as well as your physical stamina. It also creates space for spontaneous creativity and problem solving. Don't force it, though. The aim is to relax and enjoy fully.
- Employ your calendar. Remember to schedule those activities into your calendar for specific days and times. If you need to contact others to set things up, schedule that into your calendar, too. Seeing the activity in your calendar engenders more of an emotional commitment to it, and it sets aside time for it, automatically making it more of a priority.
- Reduce family performance stress. Quality time with your loved ones needn't be complex or difficult to pull off. You don't need to schedule special activities or spend a bunch of money to spend rewarding, memorable moments with your family and friends. Unstructured time and spontaneous activities are often more fun and often remembered longer. Some ideas include going for a bike ride, sharing an interesting craft project, baking or cooking a meal, going for a hike in a local park, or taking a car ride.
- Be gentle with yourself. If you start a new habit that soon gets pushed to the side in the rush of regular life, understand that it's completely normal. You haven't failed, you're just experiencing the same breakthrough bumps everyone else goes through, too. It's unrealistic to decide to take up a positive new practice and always follow through on it forevermore. We know this, but we sometimes just forget to be compassionate with ourselves. Ask yourself if the habit was worthwhile when you did it, and if it was, work it back into your schedule. If it wasn't, pick something new to play with.
- Make it sustainable. If it's not already part of your daily schedule, creating an expectation that you'll practice silence or meditation or journaling or some other activity every day just isn't realistic. Once or twice a week, or even once or twice each month, may be enough for some balance activities, at least to start with. After all, that's 100-200% better than before you started, and that's great progress.
- Make it yours. Don't get caught up in trendy balance activities if they don't fit your tastes or preferences. Since cultivating our best selves is one of the reasons we seek balance, spend time doing the things you really love to do, no matter what anyone else thinks of them. These are, after all, the pursuits that will truly re-energize and gratify you.
If the pursuit of balance is putting you off balance, remember that while it's a worthy pursuit in moderation, its purpose is to reduce your stress, not add to it. Have fun with it, enjoy it, and let it be as ''do nothing'' as you'd like it, and need it, to be.
About the Author
Kerul Kassel is the author of the newly released Productive Procrastination, as well as the award winning Stop Procrastinating Now. As the founder of New Leaf Systems, a consulting firm dedicated to creating higher performance outcomes and business profitability, her experience includes investment and real estate management, as well as 20 years of leadership in for-profit and non-profit organizations. For more information or for a free ''procrastivity'' report, visit www.Procrastivity.com.
