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Perfect Boss is Myth

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You Can't Pick Your Kids OR Your Boss--Humorist Gene bosses Perret has bound pithy one-liners about

  • "This man has a black belt in management."
  • "He's like 'Dirty Harry with an M.B.A.?"
  • ''He has an M.B.A. after his name. That's because hes a member of Mean Bastards Anonymous."
  • "His goal in life is to someday own and operate a Turkish prison.
Let's lay out a few givens so we can deal honestly with this nasty person we call our "boss." There is a raft of things we can control in our lives. We can pick our friends, spouses, careers, and the place we live. But we can't pick our kids or our bosses. If we're lucky, we will be blessed with decent low-maintenance kids who don't wind up in jail. Yet, some parents have no choice but to make the best of loathsome offspring.

Bosses are another story. You can pick your job and the type of company you'd like to work for, but you can't pick the boss for whom you'll work. It would be great if you could, but few of us can afford to spin on our heels when we meet a boss who acts like the incarnation of Satan. Yet, most of us have a sixth sense about hellish bosses. Without even trying, this person broadcasts nasty vibes. The only things missing are red fiery eyes, fangs, and slime oozing from his or her mouth and nose. How you handle this discovery will determine whether you'll make a healthy adjustment or give yourself an ulcer.



Don't Be So Sensitive, It Is Not Your Fault; and No, You Are Not Being Punished

Most of us start jobs with the wrong attitude. No sooner do we sense that there are horns protruding from our boss s head than we set ourselves up for a long journey through hell. "I don't know how Tm going to schlep in here every morning and work with that lunatic. I haven't worked here for a week yet and Tm already thinking about whacking her." Or you toss in a little self-blame and say to yourself, "Why me? I must have done something really bad in a past life to deserve this two-legged monster." Or, ''Other people get decent bosses. Why can't I get a break for once?" If feeling sorry for ourselves yields temporary relief, we'll try that as well. In fact, we'll make ourselves believe anything that will help us deal with the torture ahead.

But these self-defeating techniques achieve nothing; they only help us to avoid the obvious task ahead of getting along with this person. Rather than avoiding the issue, let s confront it head-on by digesting three tips that set the stage for a harmonious working relationship with your boss.

Am Going to Get Along with This Person If It Kills Me

Three Tips for Building a Positive Attitude
  1. Accept that you have no options

  2. Knowing that simple truth should get you off to a good start. Most people work so they can pay their bills, feed and clothe themselves, and if Grin and Bear It! there is anything left, have some fun in the bargain. Of course you should love what you do, but for most people, working is primarily a practical pursuit. So, even if your boss stalks the hall armed with a bullwhip, a chain, and a sawed-off shotgun, you've not about to quit because you don't like this person.

    Do what most people do: Tough it out. Rather than just stick it out, why not fine-tune your attitude and try to make the best of it? Come to terms with a simple reality: You need your employer more than he or she needs you. How's that for putting it on the line? Everyone is replaceable, but you're more replaceable than your boss is. These realities set the stage for adopting an attitude that will lay the foundation for success rather than failure.

  3. Depersonalize the relationship. It is human nature to take things personally. A built-in narcissism thrusts us center stage in many situations involving others. We make ourselves the focus when in fact we have only a by-product of an event. Countless times we blame emotionally charged situations with bosses on ourselves, even when we re not the cause of the problem. Perhaps it's our own grandiosity tied to unrealistic feelings of self-importance, but we give ourselves a starring role when we're only a bit player in a larger drama. Rarely do we consider that our boss is reacting to pressure from above that has nothing to do with us. Organizations are chains of command with all bosses kowtowing to their superiors. The larger the organization, the more complicated the pecking order. Even CEOs have bosses. If they displease stockholders, they're given the heave-ho. Of course, they're a lot more secure than you and I, but it proves that they also have problems from above.
Whether low-level supervisors or high-ranking executives, bosses often take their frustrations, pent-up anxiety, and rage out on subordinates. That's you and I. Unless they start flinging bodies out windows, there are seldom repercussions. Unfair? You bet it is, but who said business is fair? Nonetheless, it doesn't have to be that way. If your boss is being pressured by his boss, chances are he'll start breathing down your neck, mainly to make himself feel better. Do you expect him to tell off his boss and risk souring the relation ship, getting fired, or jeopardizing his chances of moving up? That's the divine organizational pecking order. Every boss needs a safe scapegoat. Your goal is not to become your boss's whipping person.

Get the picture? Look at organizations as a microcosm of society-unpredictable, political, and fraught with hidden conflicts and agendas. Consider the relationship with your boss from a practical standpoint. It shouldn't be based on thinking, ''If this birdbrain says one more nasty thing, I'm going to kill him," but rather, "I'm not going to let this person stand in the way of building my career. I'm going to make the most of the situation." Achieving that attitude is easier said than done, but it s worth trying.

Advice: Remember why you're working. You need the job to keep body and soul together, but you're also building a career. The job is only a steppingstone. You're not going to be there forever. Do it well, build solid contacts, and get a good recom mendation from your boss, and you will either move up in the same organization or leave for a better job. Mess up the rela tionship with your boss, and your career prospects at that company will suffer. You may not be fired, but you'll wallow in limbo and go nowhere.

Just as you sensed negative vibes about your boss the moment you met, don't think your boss hasn't picked up your hate waves as well. The boss may not say anything, but he or she knows that they're there. Your negative attitude is sure to sentence you to indentured servitude under his or her command. Unless you quit for a better job, you're hopelessly stuck. Advice: Take a constructive path and work at building a solid working relationship with your boss.

Realize that perfect jobs and perfect bosses are myths. Get real. How many people do you know that hold a perfect job? This includes everything from an ideal work setting and organizational culture to cooperative bosses and peers. It's a working person's Nirvana, a corporate Valhalla, without greed and Grin and Bear It!

Back stabbing. Show me that such an organization exists, and I'll bet. But that will never happen because a perfect job is only a fantasy. Even the smallest organizations are rife with politics. As soon as you have two or more people reporting to one boss, you have politics. That means at least two underlings are jockeying for power and competing for the boss's attention. Multiply that by 100 or 1000 and you have an accurate picture of organizational life. The more players are in the organizational labyrinth, the greater the chances of skulduggery in the ranks. It makes for a less than perfect situation.

Competition is healthy, but when it gets out of hand, it breeds greed and infighting within the corporate ranks. Advice: Idealism is fine up to a point. But view the world as it is, not as you'd like it to be. Human beings are flawed, imperfect creatures. Aristotle hit the proverbial nail on the head when he said, ''Man is by nature a political animal." That includes you. Don't waste time searching for perfect jobs or companies. They're only mirages within your own mind.

Play the Game

This practical advice is designed to help you start out on the right foot with your boss. If you can accomplish that, you've got a strong toehold on your future. In the critical building stage of your relationship, coexistence is the name of the game. You don't have to be best buddies nor should you bend over backwards to make a great impression. You simply have to get along with this person.

Advice: The importance of the early stages of the relationship cannot be emphasized enough. This is when you size up each other, read each other's rhythms, and find out what makes each other tick. You'll have a better idea how to control the situation once you understand where your boss is coming from. Understand that well and you're on your way to mastering the organizational game. In the final analysis, it is a game.

a job is the initial stage of the game. Keeping it is the second part, and the third and most important part is succeeding. You're not going to achieve that step if you don't hit it off with your boss. The way to do so is by thoroughly understanding the dynamics of the relationship.

It's Only a Job

Your mom might have given you some advice when you were bent out of shape about something, saying, "It's not worth getting sick over." You might not have thought I'd be agreeing with her, but the wise woman was dead on the money. While it's human nature to take everything personally, you must fight that mechanism and separate yourself from your job. This can only be achieved through cool, reflective, and objective moments. That's when you see the world as it is and realize that most jobs are only brief chapters in our lives. Statistics say you'll hold a job between 2 and 5 years. That's not a long time, especially when you consider it only occupies 35 to 40 hours a week.

Remember: You are released from work at the end of the shift 5 days a week. A job only feels like a prison. Your boss is not really your warden. He or she is only a temporary official in your life. You're free to leave whenever you like. Ponder these realities. We'll be stressing them throughout the book. Let's find out why it's so easy to hate your boss.
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