There are certain unsaid, unwritten rules by which we all live. Call them laws of nature--unofficial commandments handed down from the big guy above. In fact, they're so ingrained in our psyche that we are not even aware of them. They say we can't hate our folks or family, especially our moms, wives, or kids. But everyone else is fair game. Bosses are by far the best of the lot. They're even better than mothers-in-law.
Think of bosses as surrogate parents. Although many of us have a problem with that kind of relationship, it often has nothing to do with our boss. We put up with taking orders from our folks, but we have a problem with others such as teachers, especially cantankerous disciplinarians who act out their dictator fantasies in class. Many of us endured military service, which is all about chain of command, taking orders, and being obedient. Then, once we become mature adults ready to make a place for ourselves in the world, we find that we still have to take orders. This time, they're from our bosses.
We resent it because we think we have stuck in a subservient role, doomed to spend the rest of our lives butt-kissing people we detest. No one prepared us for such a cruel fate. It's even worse when we have forced to take orders from someone who is 10 or 15 years our junior. We can't believe we have to take orders from this punk kid who just started shaving.
Some of us have a problem taking orders from bosses of the opposite sex. Men are more likely to have a problem with female bosses, whereas many women report they'd prefer to work for a man. It's hard to believe, but even in these emancipated times, plenty of macho guys insist women belong at home cooking, breeding, and cleaning.
A RELATIONSHIP BUILT ON RESENTMENT
Regardless of the type of boss we're saddled with, we resent the relationship. Every time this person asks us to do something, even if it's done politely, we see red. We say, "Sure, Shirley, I'll get on it immediately," when we're really thinking, "Why don't you get off your lazy rump and do it yourself, you silly moron?!" It's easy to see why bosses are perfect targets for hostility.
No sooner do we exit our jobs than we release our pent-up anger for our bosses. We stop at our favorite watering hole for a couple of fast beers, and in the process of unwinding, we complain about our bosses to the bartender who is part-priest, part-rabbi, and all-around confidant. The perfect listener, he leans against the bar and cleans glasses, listening and nodding in respectful agreement. At appropriate times, he'll put in his pithy 2 cents: "It's a wonder you don't take a contract out on her. I don't know how you put up with her every day." From there, we go home and complain about our boss to our spouse, lover, kids, and anyone else who'll listen. And a variation of that cycle continues the next day and the day after that. Did I hit a responsive chord?
BOSS-WORKER RELATIONSHIPS ARE MORE COMPLICATED THAN YOU THINK
It's a sad fact of life, but most of us never get beyond a child like relationship with our bosses and all other authority figures for that matter. It has nothing to do with our ages, either. Whether 20 years old or 60 years old, we resent taking orders. Right or wrong, we blame our bosses because they're convenient and inescapable.
Seldom do we have a private talk with ourselves to explore the relationship and understand its dynamics so we can find out once and for all what irks us. Advice: The only way to make the relationship work is to examine it. As said earlier, coexistence isn't enough. Getting through the day, like a schoolchild waiting for the three o'clock bell to ring, won't cut it. That's no way to live. Let's see if you can uncover the real issues and find an acceptable solution.
You might discover that your feelings are justified. You made the mistake of putting your boss on a pedestal. Like many others, you were taught to respect authority figures. Maybe your dad told you never to question your boss. Just shut up, take orders, and be happy you have a job. With that mind set, you assumed this person is right simply because he or she is the boss. What a relief to discover that this person is better suited to guard prisoners than to supervise white-collar professionals. And maybe you'll discover a few surprises as well.
QUICK SELF-TEST: FIRST-BASE ANALYSIS
Whom Do You Really Hate--Your boss, your job, or both?
The following painless questionnaire will tell you a lot about your feelings toward your job and boss. Be brutally honest. Nobody is going to see your answers.
- Do you like the company?
- If you answered no, what is it you dislike-- the culture, people, or work ethics?
- Do you enjoy your job?
- Did you settle by taking the job?
- Why did you take it? Was it the job duties, money, both?
- Do you like your boss?
- If not, what is it you don't like about him or her? If yes, what do you admire about him or her?
- How do you feel about taking orders?
- Does your boss remind you of someone else? Whom?
- If you could change something about your relationship with your boss, what would it be?
- The whole shebang.
- Not particularly.
- I settled. I was being considered by three employers. This was the first offer that came along, so I grabbed it.
- The main reason for taking the job was money. The bills were mounting, and I desperately needed a paycheck or I was in big trouble.
- I can't stand him.
- I don't like anything about him. He's opinionated, over bearing, thoughtless, egotistical, and stupid. I don't even like the way he dresses.
- I hate to take orders. Every time my boss tells me to do something, I cringe and pray he doesn't detect how I feel. It's Easy to Hate Your Boss
- He reminds me of my high school physics teacher. He was a pompous academic who swore he had all the answers. He'd take points off your grade if you were late to class a certain number of times. He flunked me one semester. I've never forgotten or forgiven that guy.
- My job. I've been looking for another job for 2 months. As soon as I find one that's an improvement, I'm out here.
A 3 5-year-old female clothing buyer employed by a large department store gave these answers;
- I'm not crazy about the company. It's a close-knit family operation that parcels out the best jobs to family members.
- No matter how long you've been with the company, it's tough to get ahead.
- I love my job.
- I didn't settle at all.
- I didn't know anything about family politics when I took the job. The money wasn't bad; it was the job description that hooked me.
- I have no love for my boss.
- Like me, he's not a family member. But the difference is that he's been with the company for 15 years. It's not his seniority that bothers me; it's that he's a backstabber who's always sucking up to family members. He doesn't care about anyone under him. All he cares about is looking good. To accomplish that end, he often takes credit for other people's work, including mine.
- I have no problem taking orders as long as they make sense. In fact, I seek out direction and guidance. It helps me focus myself to be more productive. Some people are self-starters, but I need input from others.
- My boss reminds me of some of the women I knew in college. Many were schemers totally out for themselves. Like my boss, they couldn't be trusted.
- I really enjoy my job. I wish the power structure was different and I had a different boss. There is little question that, if my boss left, I'd have a better chance of moving up the ladder. But I don't see that happening. Eventually, I'll have to leave in order to get a better job. I'm just being practical.
