Knowing millions of hellish bosses doesn't soften making people's lives miserable. Some of them ought to be locked up.
A few are irredeemable, so why not toss the key? You're going to meet some of them. I guarantee they will sound chillingly familiar. See if you can pick your boss out of the lineup.
Ready? Brace yourself. I want you to read this section cold turkey without booze, tranquilizers, or illegal substances. In what follows, you may have a reunion with some bosses from your past, triggering memories you'd rather repress. Even more horrific, you may meet your present boss.
Recognizing the nemeses of your life is the first step. Later on, we'll learn how to deal with them. The bosses that follow range from garden variety neurotics to deviant wackos of psychotic proportions.
Deviant Bosses
Let's lead off with the worst of the bunch. Deviant bosses delight in wreaking havoc. If you were to let your fantasies run wild, these are the folks you'd gladly sentence to a lifetime behind bars with no chance of parole. The four most common deviant bosses are:
Mind-Controlling Abusers: In the post-Industrial Revolution days, physically abusive bosses were commonplace in factories across the United States. They'd work their charges until they were about ready to keel over from exhaustion. Workers were forced to meet backbreaking production quotas. If they failed to pull their weight, they were punched, poked, and prodded until they picked up the pace. The histories of the coal, steel, and automobile industries are full of these physically abusive bosses.
More common, regardless of the work settings or time period, are sexually abusive bosses. Many bosses are very clever at cajoling sexual favors from vulnerable employees. It' s especially easy if you lack basic moral and ethical standards.
Unsophisticated workers burdened with family responsibilities are ripe fodder for deviant bosses demanding sexual favors in return for job security. If workers refuse, they either lose their job or are given enough work to keep two people busy from dawn to dusk. And if they dare to complain to management, their life will be turned into a living hell.
Some abusive bosses enjoy controlling their employees by playing mental games with them. It can be likened to psychological torture. First, they feign interest so they can determine employees, strong and weak points. Then they play with them as if they were dolls. One day, they buoy their spirits by praising their work; the next day, they go for their jugular by attacking their weak points. These abusive bosses are masterful control freaks because they have learned how to turn their workers on and off like faucets. They are feared for good reason. Never knowing what kind of mood their bosses will be in when they arrive in the morning, captive employees live in constant fear.
A 15-year veteran technician of a Florida jewelry company described what it was like working for such a boss: Bosses from Hell 31.
We never knew what to expect. If our boss was in a good mood, it was like a blessing. The sun shined on the 200-person company. But if he was in a bad mood, it was as if a cloud hung over the place signaling an impending storm. Each worker hoped he'd stay clear of him or her. When he went after someone, he was merciless. He was all over this person. He knew how to get to every one of us. He even knew personal details that he'd use to humiliate us in front of other workers. One morning, he attacked the work of a 24-year-old woman who had been having an affair with one of the guys on the loading dock. He called her a whore who has no self-respect and said if she spent her nights resting rather than sleeping with all the men in town, her work would be a lot better.
There's one key reason why the woman took it and didn't tell the abusive boss where to go: She needed the job, as did many people at the company. The technician says, "None of us had a heck of a lot of options." There aren't that many jobs to be had in this tiny coastal town. None of us could risk getting fired and going on unemployment. That's certainly not enough to live on if you've got a family to support."
Alcoholics and Drug Abusers: Many bosses, burdened with stress and anxiety from numbing deadlines and production quotas, become dependent on alcohol and drugs. Incredibly, some rule with an iron fist for years before they either burn out or explode in a shattering nervous or physical breakdown. A small minority get drug or alcohol counseling either on their own or through their companies. But until they do, they make the lives of everyone around them miserable. To cope with pressure, they play themselves with massive amounts of alcohol or drugs. One supervisor I spoke with in a small toy company in Ohio said that during their peak production season, which is 6 months prior to Christmas, he would often consume a liter of vodka every day to get through the grueling 12-hour shifts. This boss says, "Alcohol was the only thing that got me through those long days. My stress level was so high that it calmed me down. I'd usually start drinking after lunch and keep at it until I left at 9 or 10 p.m. Everyone knew I drank, but they had the good sense to keep their mouths shut or else I'd make their lives miserable." But when his personal life began to deteriorate, this supervisor was smart enough to see a therapist and join Alcoholics Anonymous.
A one-time hotshot Chicago stock trader in charge of a 20-person speculative trading unit discovered cocaine was the short-term secret to maintaining his fast-track lifestyle. By the time this 28-year-old trader was promoted to manager, he was the brokerage house s biggest producer. A securities analyst who worked under the broker remembered the young man s ascent to the fast lane; making him a supervisor was the stupidest thing the firm could have done. This was the last person who should have been in charge of people. It was all he could do to keep his own career together and manage himself, no less monitor other workers. Few people could maintain his pace and survive. He got up at 5 a.m. every day so he could take the 6:15 a.m. train to downtown Chicago. By the time he stormed into the office at 7:30 or 8 a.m., he had already digested The Wall Street Journal, the Chicago Times, and was well into Investor's Daily. No sooner did the opening bell sound than he was in perpetual motion until closing.
For most of the day, he was hell to work with. Things were bad enough before he started using cocaine. Back then, he was just revved up on coffee, which he consumed all day. By 2 p.m., he had usually consumed about eight cups of coffee and he was good for a half dozen more before he left. But when the coffee was fueled with cocaine, things got dangerously out of hand. Coffee kept him wired and active, but cocaine turned him into a whirling dervish intent on destroying anything in his path. All day long, he'd storm through the office shouting orders. He'd walk up to my desk and demand an analysis of a certain stock. If I didn't deliver it to him in 10 minutes, he would have a temper tantrum. He pulled the same tactics with others. There was no delivering information fast enough.
As his intake of cocaine increased, he got worse. When he first started using the drug, he'd discreetly exit to the men's room where he snorted the coke from a little decongestant bottle he carried with him. But when he realized he was losing precious time with his bathroom trips, he simply pulled the antihistamine bottle from his pocket in the office and snorted coke all day long. He figured everyone would think he had a bad cold. We all knew that it was no over-the-counter remedy he was sucking up his nose. After 6 months of nonstop cocaine use, his nose dripped constantly because the nasal membranes were burned out.
The man was pathetic. If he wasn't so horrible and obnoxious, we might have felt sorry for him. But he was impossible. Just before he collapsed and entered a drug rehabilitation program, he was out of control and couldn't remember what he did from one moment to the next. He'd scream an order and then 15 seconds later repeat it, forgetting that it had been executed immediately. Then all hell would break loose.
Sadists: The crudest of the deviant bosses are the sadists. These bosses delight in inflicting psychological pain. They have taken power to a dangerous level. If this were the fourteenth century, they'd be taking troublesome employees to the dungeon and torturing them. Maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but suffice it to say that sadistic bosses get off by making people miserable. You don't have to be a psychotherapist to figure out how they got that way. Most are getting back for the abuse heaped on them. Some were the product of authoritarian homes where stern parents delighted in verbally or physically abusing them when they were kids. Other sadistic bosses had to endure their own abusive bosses and are now taking what they consider to be well-earned revenge. And still others are using their power to express their contempt for humanity. Some sadistic bosses are misanthropes of Olympian proportions. Sadistic bosses come in two varieties. One enjoys private displays of sadism; the other prefers exhibitionist displays. The former will either corner a worker alone or ask to see her in his office. Then he levels the bad news by expressing disgust and contempt for her work. To rectify bad performance, he may insist that 2 weeks of grueling work be redone or that redemption be earned by putting in 2 to 3 hours of overtime every night.
The latter boss usually practices sadism in meetings, which often prove to be a ready forum for power-crazed bosses to reduce their employees to shaking, quivering, blubbering masses before their colleagues. A high-ranking senior editor in a Boston national magazine describes how her editor in chief used meetings as a platform for her sadism:
Not a single editor wasn't terrified of the weekly staff meetings: As soon as she was promoted to editor in chief, we all knew our lives would be miserable. One of the first things she did was change the meeting day from Wednesday to Monday morning at 9:30 a.m., which tells you a lot about her personality. The former editor in chief had felt Wednesday was a good meeting day because it gave editors time to come down from the weekend and gather their story ideas. Our new boss had other ideas. She figured there was no better way to ruin our weekends than by creating instant anxiety the moment we walked in on Monday morning. Most of us had to start getting ready for the Monday morning torture on Sunday evening, which was pretty depressing. On Monday, we all came to work nervous and uptight about what was ahead. We had good reason to be afraid because every meeting inevitably turned into a head-bashing ritual. It was just a question of how many people she'd attack.
The meetings were pretty straightforward. Each editor came in with story ideas that either they originated or were suggested by freelance writers with whom we worked. Sitting around an oval table, the editor in chief asked us each to stand and discuss the two or three ideas we thought were worthy of an article assignment. Having given a 3-minute spiel on each idea, we then waited for everyone's comments and, finally, the last word from our boss who we appropriately dubbed Eva Braun. Sometimes the comments from our fellow editors were a little cruel or hostile, but they paled in comparison to the remarks of our boss. She hated bulletproof queries, ideas that were solid original stories worthy of assignment, because then she had nothing to rail against and was forced to nod her ahead in agreement. Nevertheless, she managed to find plenty of material to attack. When she did, she was like a starved cheetah hungrily ripping her prey apart. She relished every minute of it. We wondered why she didn't drool and salivate while she took bite-sized pieces out of an editor. As soon as she heard fragments of what she thought was a dumb idea, she went to town on the editor with a vengeance. In less than a minute, she criticized, insulted, ridiculed, and systematically tore apart the editor's credibility. A common attack went like this: "You've got to be joking with that idea, Jack. You must have thought that one up as you rode in on the subway. It's dumb. Do you really want to insult our readers with a story like that? They get that kind of fluff in the tabloids. They're not going to get it from us. You have got to tell us. Jack, seriously, what were you thinking when you came up with that idea? I don't pay you a great salary for crap like that. You're a senior editor; start thinking like one. If you can't do better than that, I'll get some smart-assed kid just out of grad school and I guarantee he'll come up with better ideas."
If that's not bad enough, she'd become more abusive if you disagreed with her in front of the other editors. Then it was no holds barred, and she'd go on to attack your family, friends, religion, politics, or just about anything else that popped into her head. On occasions, the editor in chief's verbal attacks were so heated that some editors ran out of the room crying, while others started stammering because they were so nervous.
Predator Bosses: This term was coined by management consultant Harvey Hornstein in his book Brutal Bosses and Their Prey. Hornstein identified three species of predator bosses: The Conqueror, The Performer, and The Manipulator.
Conqueror bosses prey on employees who show signs of weakness, according to Hornstein. Their destructive skill is their ability to treat the workplace like a battlefield. Once predator bosses uncover someone's Achilles heel, they go after it with a vengeance. The unsuspecting victim is now putty in that person's hands. Conqueror bosses particularly relish honing in on weaknesses that are a source of embarrassment and humiliation.
A junior architect who stutters when under intense pressure was ripe prey for her conqueror boss. As soon as her boss heard the architect stammer a few times at a weekly meeting, she became a target for his depravity. Cruelly, he went after her at public meetings, never one-on-one. On one occasion, the boss attacked her presentation by saying the architect did a shoddy job by not adequately preparing her work before hand. When the architect tried to defend herself, she began to stammer uncontrollably. Every time she tried to get out a word, the boss would say something like, "Your friends and shrinks forgive your neurotic affliction, but I don't have all day to wait for you to spit a thought out. I'm trying to run a profit center; I don't have time to play occupational therapist. So de-de-de ya-ya -th-th-th-think ya-ya can just express one thought before we break for lunch?" Sometimes the boss would embarrass the poor worker for 15 to 20 minutes until someone got him on to a different subject.
Hornstein says victims can survive their conqueror bosses by studying the patterns of their predators. "Don't stop in the area where they're hunting," warns Hornstein. Easier said than done. Sometimes it is unavoidable, such as in the case just cited. That conqueror cleverly set up his victim by trap ping her in meetings. The only way out was excusing herself, thus admitting defeat. That would not only make her a bigger target for her boss but would also make her look bad in front of her coworkers. Her only salvation was to over prepare for meetings, maintain her cool, and pray her boss didn't go after her. Still, she lived in fear of him, never knowing when she'd be attacked.
Performer bosses also have a penchant for belittling workers, says Hornstein. Unlike conqueror bosses, who enjoy dominating their workers, performer bosses undermine workers to mask their own incompetence. Hornstein warns that trying to reason with them can backfire. They've been known to have uncontrollable temper tantrums and even throw things at workers. The best defense, advises Hornstein, is to stay clear of them.
Manipulators are the smoothest of the predator bosses. Hornstein cites the boss that Sigourney Weaver plays in the film Working Girl as a dramatic example. Weaver portrayed a refined, sophisticated, and very polished boss who had her sights set on the executive suite. She seemed polite and considerate and gave the impression that she cared about her workers. Yet it was only a well-rehearsed act. She met her match in a secretary (played by Melanie Griffith) who was smarter than she was. Hornstein says manipulator bosses are afraid they'll become less valued if their underlings get the limelight or any recognition for that matter. They'll go to any end to retain their power. They'll lie or even reject a subordinate's idea and then take credit for it and never give you credit. They'll always appear to be the subordinates ally. In reality, however, they wouldn't think twice about backstabbing their staff members and walking over the corpses for a coveted trophy. Hornstein isn't kidding when he says manipulator bosses can be deadly. Advice: Watch your back.
Psychotic Bosses
There is no shortage of psychotic bosses either. Contrasted to the neurotic ones, many of the psychotic variety are a short step away from being institutionalized. It would be to every one's advantage, especially the employees who report to them, if they were taken off the street and put in a hospital. Now there's a Utopian concept. Here are a few common varieties.
Schizophrenic Bosses. The Oxford English Dictionary defines schizophrenia as "a form of mental illness in which the personality is disintegrated and detached from its environment." An abbreviated definition is "split-mind." Put these folks in a supervisory position and their poor employees never know what they're going to get. They're forced to deal with Jekyll and Hyde behavior, which amounts to a terrifying proposition.
Going to work every day can be likened to entering the gates of heaven or the depths of hell, depending on whether the boss is eliciting Jekyll or Hyde behavior. Everything is great when the boss is in the Dr. Jekyll phase. He or she is alert, considerate, and thoughtful. But if the tables are turned and employees are greeted by Mr. Hyde, watch out! They can look forward to brutal ridicule and abuse.
Making matters worse, schizoid bosses frequently undergo radical personality shifts during the business day their personalities change as unexpectedly as the wind. An event (poor sales returns, aggressive competitors), an insubordinate employee, or a reaming from his or her boss can turn the tides. It feels as if a twister of killer proportions begins to destroy everything in its path. Suddenly, workers are hurled into a state of panic and fear.
An administrative assistant employed by a Los Angeles accounting firm worked for a boss just like this. She describes his radical personality shift:
After working for the man for 8 years, I could sense it coming. It was as if something was in the air. Sometimes all it took was a phone call. Often, a senior executive triggered the change. You could hear my boss's voice change on the phone. A sort of built-in self-protection mechanism kept him in check with his boss. As crazy as he was, he knew that if the boss saw his lunatic side, he'd be on the unemployment line. Like a kid holding his breath, he waited to unleash his madness on the people below him. He knew we'd keep our mouths shut because we feared for our jobs. But it was the look in his eyes and the way he stalked the halls that told us the mad side of his personality had taken over. His eyes were tense, unblinking, and scanning the office for targets. His gait was brisk, agitated, and swift. His poor victims never knew what was happening.
She says that if she was lucky, she'd be called into his office and reamed. More commonly, he'd launch a full-scale attack in front of 100 other workers.
The thought of finding a discreet place and time never occurred to him. Only a rational, fairly healthy person would consider those things. Most always, he attacked employees for incompetence and ingeniously spun some incredible story about how they were ripping off the company. He'd wind up saying something like, "You'd better get your act together or else I'll find someone who really wants the job." And then he'd toss in a little well-placed guilt with, "You know how many people would kill to have your job? Think about that before you pull this kind of shenanigan again." The solution to my boss's tantrums was obvious. Knowing the cues and sensing the erupting tornado, we hit the decks and made ourselves scarce. An hour or two later, his psychotic outbreak dissipated as quickly as it had erupted. Then it was back to normal. His face would lighten, his body would relax, and he was Mr. Nice Guy again.
Bosses like this ought to be locked up in padded cells. The problem is there aren't enough mental institutions around the country to hold all of them.
Manic-Depressive Bosses. Equally confounding and frightening are manic-depressive bosses. They display split personalities of a different, but no less disturbing, kind. Rather than displaying short bouts of madness, manic-depressives can go days, even weeks, in one state. Just as their name implies, manic phases are bombastic high-energy states. Manic bosses are omnipresent. Their presence is felt even when they're not in the room. Full of energy, they're cheering their troops on.
At social gatherings, however, they often make spectacles of themselves. They often drink too much and draw attention to themselves by speaking too loudly and telling unfunny, crude jokes. A machinist at a Vermont lumber company describes his manic-depressive boss at an annual Christmas party:
This guy was like a wind-up toy. He came wired, but all it took were two gin and tonics to downshift this guy into overdrive. He danced with every woman regardless of whether or not they wanted to. Then he embarrassed himself by attempting Fred Astaire-like routines. He was pathetic. I felt sorry for the women because all they wanted to do was escape. But the topper was when he started coming on to his boss's wife. He danced with her and held her inappropriately. When she tried to get clear of him, he kept on being persistent. If it weren't for a couple of managers who pulled him out of the place and took him home, I'm convinced the president would have decked him and then fired him.
What is striking about manic-depressives is their behavior extremes. People who have endured manic-depressive bosses say there is never any question about which state their boss is in. Whereas the manic state is a high-energy out-of-control phase, the depressive state is marked by almost complete with drawl. Bosses in a depressive state crawl into their own shell, purposely avoiding employees, even their own bosses. Some disappear for days at a time. Others withdraw to the safety of their homes, afraid of running into anyone who knows them. Their productivity slips, and they rely on their workers to carry the workload.
A salesman working for a Detroit greeting card company describes his manic-depressive boss:
If we had a choice, we preferred our boss's manic state. He was loud and wired, but at least he was productive. When he was severely depressed, no one saw him. Most of us felt sorry for him, so we covered for him by making excuses. We made decisions for him. In fact, his secretary often forged his signature on memos and letters, saving his job on occasions. When he wasn't functioning, he was a burden and we all had to do more than our share, The solution for psychotic bosses boils down to three words: They need help. A conservative guess is that less than 5 percent of psychotic bosses actually get help, whether it be psychotherapy, group therapy, or a support group. Many schizophrenic and manic-depressive bosses should be medicated so they can function with some degree of normalcy.
Most psychotic bosses deny they have emotional problems, and even if they admit there is a problem, they're reluctant to reach out for help. So they continue to do what they have always done: wreak havoc on everyone around them--family, friends, and coworkers who must swallow their madness for Psychotic bosses are the worst bosses to cope with. The good news is their numbers pale in comparison to the legions of neurotic bosses out there. It's safe to say that every company has its fair share of neurotic bosses. The bigger the company, the more you'll find. They come in all shapes and sizes. A few of the common types are pinpointed below:
Bosses from Hell
Low Self-Esteem/Insecure Bosses: Their body language gives them away. The low self-esteem boss would never cut it as a marine. Marines are brainwashed to think they're the best. Once they complete grueling basic training, they look like they have been cut from the same mold. They're perfect physical specimens, strong and tough, every inch of their body reeking confidence. Like the ads say, these individuals are "lean, mean, fighting machines," Our low self-esteem bosses are just the opposite. As kids they were 90-pound geeks who were used as punching bags by the schools tough guys. Sadly, as adults they never got beyond that lowly status. Nobody is beating them up anymore, yet they're always worried that someone might try.
It s no wonder they can't walk with their backs straight and their eyes locked dead ahead. Instead, they have hunched over with their eyes downcast. The very thought of making eye contact triggers a clammy sweat. The expressions on their faces are equally pathetic. Those sad eyes look like the eyes of a dog whose master just gave him away. Their vibrations say, 'Traise me! Praise me!" Unlike vicious sadistic bosses who drool about how they can push their subordinates to the brink of suicide, low self-esteem bosses hardly think about their subordinates. Instead, they're fixated on their own miserable plight. They're so obsessed with pleasing their bosses and keeping them at bay that they hardly know what's going on in their own camp. It's only when things go wrong that their tempers flare. It's not so much that mistakes are made, but rather they fear looking bad in their boss's eyes.
I've heard few serious complaints about low self-esteem bosses. They're more a source of amusement than worry. The plus is they're easy to get on with. Praise them and do your job and you'll have no problems. All they care about is getting the work done and avoiding problems. If you're looking to score points, show them how to score with their boss and you've got a friend for life or, more accurately, for as long as you're working at that company.
Paranoid (Fraiday-Cat) Bosses: A close cousin to the inse cure, low self-esteem boss is the paranoid or fraidy-cat boss. These bosses have taken insecurity to the level the shrinks call paranoia. While low self-esteem bosses agonize over pleasing their bosses, paranoid bosses spend most of their waking hours wondering when they are going to be fired. It's a miracle they get any work done at all. Paranoid bosses live in a world made up of plots, secret conversations, and meetings all focused on ousting them from their job. A secretary working in a mid-size North Carolina textile company describes an incident highlighting her boss's paranoia:
She was paranoid from the moment she was promoted to department head 5 years ago. You'd think she would have gained some confidence over the years, but she hasn't changed a bit. One day, a friend of mine was sitting on the stairs outside my office drinking a container of coffee and smoking a cigarette when my boss ambled up the stairs. No sooner did my friend see my boss than she lowered her voice and spun around a little so she was facing me. Those innocent moves wrecked my boss's day. By 4 p.m. that same day, my boss couldn't contain herself any longer. She called me into her office, closed the door, and politely asked me to have a seat. Then she told me what was bothering her:
"Betty, I noticed you and Jenny were having a heated conversation when I came in late this morning. As soon as she saw me she lowered her voice, and it looked like she blushed and changed the conversation. Do you know something I should know, Betty? Is there any scuttlebutt about Jenny's boss? I know she's had her eye on my job for as long as I can remember. I've always been straight with you, Betty. You owe it to me to let me know what's going on. Is there a plot to get rid of me? I wouldn't put anything past Ann Hamhock. She's quite a number. She'd take a contract out on her own mother if she was guaranteed a big promotion. So level with me, okay?"
If I hadn't been through similar situations before, I would easily laugh at my boss's reaction. But there was nothing funny about it. I looked her straight in the eye and told her she was wrong. I explained that my friend was not talking about my boss or her boss? but about a mutual friend, another worker, who is going out with one of the company's fast-track MBAs. I told my boss that my friend lowered her voice because no one is supposed to know about the affair. And I hoped that she would keep it a secret. I also told her she was mistaken about my friend blushing. As soon as I explained the situation, it seemed like a huge load had been lifted from her back. There was no conspiracy afoot, and she wasn't about to be ousted from her job. When I finished, you could see the relief in her eyes. It was as if she could go about living worry-free until she picks up another false cue triggering her paranoia.
Thousands of other paranoid bosses resemble this woman. What's fascinating is that it doesn't take much for them to spin incredible paranoid webs. What they don't see or hear they make up. As they see it, the world is out to get them. Similarly fascinating is their warped sense of their own importance. Their entire world revolves around themselves, especially at work. Many are only big fish in little ponds, yet they see themselves as more powerful than they actually are.
Just as low self-esteem bosses need constant praise and bolstering from subordinates, paranoid bosses need constant reassurance that no one is out to get them. It can be likened to frightened children who are fearful that demons will overtake them in their sleep. Diligent parents quell their fears by telling them demons don't exist. Paranoid bosses have to be reassured in the same way.
Crisis-Driven Bosses: We have all had a few of these bosses. Always panic-stricken, they have a knack for making it seem like Armageddon is just around the corner. If things aren't done immediately, the company will collapse and the world will end. However, there are seldom any real emergencies. The crises are created by the bosses themselves, typically because they're disorganized and don't have a clue about what's happening around them. Most of these finger-on-the-panic-but-ton bosses are saved by their subordinates who scratch their heads wondering how their bosses ever got their positions. The boss's saviors can be likened to children who find themselves in the unfortunate-and uncomfortable-role of having to care for their parents. Typically, workers feel sorry for these incompetent bosses, but more practically, they continue to cover for them in order to milk the situation for all it s worth.
Many veteran workers who report to crisis bosses have learned to control the situation masterfully, so they have actually running the show. Since the boss doesn't have a clue about what's actually happening, they spin elaborate webs of intrigue, all the while taking 2-hour lunches, leaving early, and even randomly taking days off whenever the mood strikes them. Some cunning employees manipulate their bosses to the point where they have like puppets on a string. At its worst, it's reminiscent of the 1963 British thriller The Servant where a cunning servant actually takes over his masters house and controls his life. More commonly, clever employees use the crisis boss to create an office Utopia. How long it continues often depends on how long they can pull the wool over their boss's eyes and still get the work done. Typically, the game can't be sustained forever. Sooner or later, the boss's supervisor gets wise to the scam. Then all hell breaks loose. You can just imagine what happens next.
Compulsive-Obsessive Bosses: Last but not least is the compulsive-obsessive variety. Most are easy enough to get along with, although they can make everyone around them as nuts as they are. While the two types differ, both tend to let their neuroses get in the way and slow them down. They too depend on loyal subordinates to keep the work moving. The difference between compulsive and obsessive bosses lies in the way they manifest their neuroses. Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary defines an obsession as a "persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling." For example, assume the boss is fixated on the idea that his boss is constantly watching him, waiting for him to screw up so he can get rid of him. As a result, the obsessive boss makes it a point to always be on his best behavior when his boss is in shouting distance. Or say the boss is consumed by the notion that a competitor will usurp the market with a competing product. She fails to distinguish between observing the competition and obsessing about it to the exclusion of everything else.
Compulsive bosses, on the other hand, get caught up in irrational acts or insignificant details above everything else. Imagine reporting to Felix Unger and you have got an accurate picture of a compulsive boss. A Chicago copywriter describes a compulsive boss she had to endure:
She was talented and smart, but inevitably she always got in her own way. No matter what the project, she got caught up in details that slowed down the project. In advertising, that trait could be deadly because you're always fighting the clock. The client is paying to receive a project on a certain date. If we fail to do that, we're in big trouble. If we don't have a good excuse, we face losing the account. On one project, for example, she became consumed with the graphics on a print ad. No one disputes the fact that the look of a print ad is critical. But it is only 50 percent of the project. The remaining 50 percent is the copy or the words that sell the product. Where she should have spent equal time agonizing over every word of the copy, she swept it under the table and relegated the responsibility to an underling incapable of making good decisions. That was the way she did everything. She often got hooked on trivial details. But to her compulsive mind, they were more important than anything else. Her priorities were totally off, but trying to change her mind was like spitting in the wind.
One of the most infuriating of bad boss categories, incompetents, incurs well-deserved hatred among their subordinates. To the outside world, they seem like they know what they're doing. But to their employees, they're a joke, and often a sad one when you consider they're paid anywhere from two to ten times more than the workers beneath them. It is easy to understand how incompetent bosses get their jobs. Whether it is nepotism, politics, or special abilities that propelled them to a supervisory job, it's little consolation to the hardworking people forced to kowtow to their incompetence.
Incompetent bosses attempt to hide their weaknesses in the following ways:
o Buck passing. Some incompetent bosses are masterful at finding the most competent person to complete a task. No sooner does a killer project surface than they pass the buck to someone who can execute it perfectly. It is an automatic act for veteran buck-passers.
o Taking credit for subordinates' work. If passing the buck isn't offensive enough, incompetent bosses unashamedly take credit for work performed by skilled subordinates. And they do so with as much fanfare as possible so their boss thinks they have heroes. If it's an important project worth thousands, even millions, of dollars, the incompetent boss often walks away with a hefty bonus, a week in Hawaii, or a similar reward.
o Absent without leave. It is not uncommon for incompetent bosses who have their act down pat to disappear for a couple of days whenever the mood strikes them. They arbitrarily abandon their command knowing their worker gnomes will run the fort, quelling any fires that might start. These incompetent bosses are useless even when they're in the office. Unfortunately, their workers are also painfully aware of this reality. What equally astonishing is how long many incompetent bosses manage to pull the wool over their superiors' eyes. Many clever high-ranking corporate executives have done so for an entire career, which is no small feat. They strategically maneuvered their way to power positions as skillfully as world-class chess players. Imagine what they could have achieved if they were actually competent at their jobs.
Deceptive Bosses
Many deceptive bosses are fast-track career types who would do almost anything short of selling their kids for a big promotion. Here are the four most common deceptive bosses.
Manipulative Bosses: The manipulative boss is as slippery as an eel when it comes to getting his or her way. They cleverly juggle thoughts or events so they get exactly what they want. It doesn't matter whether they're right or wrong; they're so good at manipulating people that they'll have subordinates apologizing for something they never even did.
Hypocritical Bosses: Underlings never know what to expect from a hypocritical boss. They're as unpredictable as the weather. Their game strategy is "confuse and attack." They'll say one thing and then spin on their heels and do the opposite. Their employees never know where they stand. Their stock and trade is the double deal, which is aimed at making themselves look good. They'll put two workers on an important project, promising each a bonus, raise, or promotion, with no intention of giving both a carrot. The goal is to take the best project, reward the creator, and then disregard promises made to the worker turning in the losing project. Employees working for hypocritical bosses are primed for double-dealings and take it in stride.
Con Artists: Close relatives to the hypocrites are con artist bosses who use charm as a weapon. They're smooth as silk and artfully seductive when it comes to getting employees to do almost anything they ask. The motive behind every request or order is furthering their own career. To avoid dissension in the ranks, they'll toss their legions an occasional bone, such as a dinner or a few days off. But the biggest rewards are taken by the boss who has conned his or her superiors as well.
Cutthroats: The worst of the deceptive bosses is the cut throat. The deceptive bosses just described are bad, but cut throat bosses can be outright vicious. Employees must be constantly on their guard, ready to fend off attacks at a moment's notice. Cutthroat bosses will use any trick or ploy to get what they want. And if their boss is breathing down their neck, watch out! They'll yell, scream, curse, and bully their employees into turning out an inhuman output. Cutthroat bosses are impostors lacking all human frailties. It is no wonder that turnover in their departments often hits staggering levels. Employees desperate to hold on to their paychecks endure their taunts and insults only until they find a better job. Then they're history. It is easy to understand why workers who've endured cutthroat bosses often quit without giving a 2-week notice. They deem it a piddling yet well-earned revenge. Can you blame them?
Repulsive Bosses
Finally, an amazing number of bosses have hideous personal habits. I worked for one tough old editor who fit the bill perfectly. We called him "The Chimney" because he couldn't quit smoking and he inflicted his bad habit on everyone around him. The man smoked anything he could light. He'd chain smoke a pack of cigarettes and then switch off to a cigar or pipe. At the end of the day his oversized ashtray was filled to the brim with butts, squashed stogies, and mounds of pipe tobacco. You'd think the stench would bother him, but he hardly noticed it. Worse yet, he became furious when workers balked at holding meetings in his office. Instead, he made staff members suffer for 2 or 3 hours while his office filled with smoke. During one meeting, one outspoken editor asked if he would refrain from smoking until the meeting was over because it bothered him. He was promptly told that he was a wimp and a disgrace to the newspaper industry. His exact words: *'You should work in a laboratory so you could be in a safe, protected environment. Or maybe you ought to be wearing one of those white protective suits so germs can't reach you. You're certainly not cut out to be around human beings." He continued insulting the poor man until he ran out of things to say.
Then, there are bosses who go several days without changing their clothes or shaving. An accountant working for a mid size food company describes his workaholic boss:
When we were in the middle of a new product campaign, the boss would literally work around the clock. He was afraid to go home for fear of missing something. Sometimes his office turned into a combination home and command center for 2 weeks straight. He'd work 18 hours a day and then flop down on his sofa and catch some sleep before starting again. Four days into his workaholic routine and the man looked like a homeless beggar, not a millionaire entrepreneur with two homes, three cars, and a boat.
He was unshaven, and his clothes were wrinkled and stained. The worst part is the man smelled from not bathing. We had to endure his repulsive habits. We couldn't tell the boss to go home and shower because he was making everyone around him sick. For all the obvious reasons, we never mustered the courage to be brutally honest.
What do you think of that impressive lineup of bad bosses? You probably never realized there were so many different types out there spewing confusion, incompetence, and venom. But the good news is that most bosses are not half as bad as the ones that have been described.
