Relax. Such feelings are normal for anyone who's just suffered a job loss. Even the calmest people are likely to experience dread, panic, shame or sadness. Instead of assuming you've gone haywire, consider yours to be a typical reaction and take steps to minimize your discomfort so you can begin a productive job search.
Here are 15 tips to help you make a smoother transition into your job hunt:
- Don't panic. As difficult as it is to believe right now, your life is changing, not ending. Now is your opportunity to create a new and highly satisfying work situation.
- Don't blow up in public. You may be tempted to "tell people off' at your former employer, or take the opportunity to settle old scores. Don't make the mistake of burning your bridges behind you. Ex-pressing angry feelings is healthy, but be selective about how, when, where and with whom it's done.
- Don't fault yourself. Blaming yourself will keep you focused on the past rather than the future. Learn from your mistakes, but don't make yourself miser-able.
- Don't criticize your former boss or the company to anyone, particularly prospective employers. This will always work against you; since it raises questions about how well (or poorly) you deal with difficult situations. It's also likely to create a negative impression of you, rather than the company. At the very least, it'll suggest you're likely to be as critical of your new employer as you are of your old one.
- Be cooperative if your duties are being transferred. Keep up the quality of your work and be willing to train any replacement. Though it may be difficult, it's wiser to support the company in its planned changes than interfere with them. It's unreasonable to expect the company to support you in your re-employment efforts if you don't support its efforts to proceed with its operations.
- Avoid social or emotional isolation. Many other managers have preceded you into the job search. Contact people you know who've been in similar circumstances. If they seem open, share your feelings and ask how they worked through theirs.
One displaced executive discovered through his wife that four of his neighbors were also in transition. Instead of hiding out, the couple invited the neighbors, along with their spouses, over for coffee. They eventually formed a support group and met regularly at cookouts to share ideas, feelings and networking contacts.
- Don't try to keep your termination a secret. You won't be able to anyway. The more secretive you are, the harder it'll be for others to help you. One unemployed man told his wife not to tell anyone of his job loss and shut himself off from the support and contacts he needed. A month after a counselor persuaded him to open up, he secured a position by networking, rather than from mailings or ads, which he originally believed would work magic.
- Don't avoid your close friends, but be prepared to have some SO-called friends disappoint you. Understand and accept that your circumstances may make some people uncomfortable. Folks whom you thought were friends will drift away. It may be because you're no longer in a position to help them, but it's more likely they identify with your difficulty and feel unable to help. Don't let their irrationality upset you. It really says more about them than about you.
- Avoid the temptation to immediately tell all your professional colleagues about your situation. These people might be key sources of job leads, but if you contact them prematurely, you may present a scattered or unprofessional picture. Formulate clear career objectives and have your emotions well under control before contacting business associates for job search purposes. 10. Discuss your situation with your family. They all have a stake in it and have feelings that should be aired. Children, especially young ones, may have irrational fears that need to be allayed. For instance it's not uncommon for them to wonder, "Do we all have to go to jail now?" Give everyone the opportunity to express their feelings, and then be supportive, while allowing them to support you.
- Make your search a full-time job. Prepare to spend at least 40 hours week job hunting. There are enough job search strategies and activities to easily fill several full-time work weeks. Set up a daily schedule and stick to it. Dress for the office, not for yard work. Establish a routine that's comfortable and productive. It's critical that others believe you're serious about finding a job.
- Never advertise when you're taking a day to play hokey. For instance, don't leave a message saying that you've gone to the beach on your answering machine during office hours. "You can't believe how frequently I find out that someone is out playing for the day," says one human resources manager. While playing is essential to a healthy transition, it's wise to do so discreetly, especially when you want to be viewed as ready to go back to work.
- Be prepared for rejection. Maintaining a positive yet realistic attitude will help reduce feelings of disappointment if job offers are slow to develop. Remember that you're looking for the right position, not just any position. Therefore, consider a negative response from a prospective employer as simply an opportunity to investigate other leads with greater potential.
- Don't expect your campaign to be successful overnight, it can take several months to locate the satisfying and rewarding position you seek. Be patient. In hindsight, you'll likely decide the search was as enriching as the position to which it led.
- One executive humorously recalls spending three months intensively interviewing and preparing a proposal for a potential employer. When he didn't hear back from the company and his phone calls weren't returned, he became worried. He finally found out the owners had been arrested and jailed when the Federal Bureau of Investigation showed up at his front door inquiring about his connection to the two men.
- Keep your sense of humor and relax. Recognize that any disaster you experience during your search has already befallen other job seekers. For example, one eager candidate was so anxious about an interview that he tripped over the carpeting and fell down in front of the receptionist's desk. Nervous about the memorable first impression he'd made thus far, he proceeded to knock a few items off the interviewer's desk. Today, he considers it one of his funniest stories.
- Be kind to yourself. Reward yourself a little more after a trying stint of job hunting. Give yourself permission to do some pleasurable things you've been postponing: Visit the beach, zoo or museum; read a good book; go to the theater, or see old Mends. Take more time to be with the people who support and nurture you.
