However unjustified your fears may be, they still raise some good questions that merit answering.
The job market has its share of altruists and charitable souls, but they're not numerous enough to explain networking's long success as the premier job search technique. To understand why your "bunch of people" are going to give you one of their scarcest resources, their time, consider the benefits that they will receive.
You know your close friends will see you. They've got to; that's the essence of friendship. If they value the relationship, they'll rise to the occasion. One of the fastest ways to distinguish a real friend from an acquaintance or a fair-weather friend is to ask the friend to expend time and effort on the relationship. If he runs for the hills or proffers an empty sleeve, you'll know the relationship was insubstantial.
Given that real friendship is a two-way street, it follows that you'll stand willing to help your friends when they have a need. It's possible to start your networking efforts cold, with people you've never met. Headhunters do it all the time. However, it's easier and less daunting to start the process with the people you know best and trust most. Your path outward from there will be much smoother.
When you've cultivated all the contacts you know and have begun to reach out to people you don't know, and who owe you nothing, a different, more pragmatic set of incentives kicks in. A lot of people will agree to network with you as a favor to the person who referred you to them. Once that favor has been conferred, they know that two people have an unspoken obligation to return the favor: (1) you and (2) the person who referred you. Most of us carry an informal but indelible tally of whom we've granted favors to, who "owes us one", and who has granted favors to us.
The business world is lubricated by what is known as the "pseudo-economy of reciprocal favors" in which the favor is the informal, but very powerful, unit of exchange. The Favor Market, in fact, is a lot like the stock market: it has puts, calls, warrants, options, bartering and insider information.
The Favor Market isn't confined to job search-related networking; it operates as the vehicle for daily, informal swapping of information. By tapping into it for career development and job search purposes, you're utilizing a practical and long-standing mechanism. Networking works particularly well as a job search facilitation tool, however, because the information provided can often lead to an immediate and tangible outcome: a job for someone who needs it. The gratitude of the job seeker and the sense of obligation to somehow return the favor is enormous.
If you provide someone with a tidbit of information that leads to happy employment, you've probably created more than a reservoir of goodwill. The response signal will in all probability be a lifetime supply of favors from the lucky recipient of your help.
People will expend precious time to network with you for another practical reason; they want to pick your brain. Networking isn't a one-way street; it's an exchange of informal, juicy and potentially valuable information. Within the dictates of propriety and confidentiality, therefore, be prepared to offer up some insights about whom you've networked with, what you've learned so far about trends in their industries, why your old employer just laid off 350 technicians, whom you know in the mayor's office who might listen to your contact's concern about a zoning problem and, perhaps, how to program a computer.
Soft Doesn't Mean Fuzzy
The most potent reasons why people will see you are grounded in the workings of human nature, not in the realities of the outside world. These "soft" motives may not be readily visible, but you can rely on them as universal and reliable forces.
In this vein, you must understand that experts, whether true or self-proclaimed, love to share their expertise. All of us like to be thought of as wise; each of us savors the recognition and visibility that are reflected in a flattering referral: "Jack says you know more about marketing in Central America than anyone he knows, and that you are the best contact he can imagine to explore the feasibility of selling my product line there."
Come prepared to listen and give the networking contact plenty of air time. This advice conflicts with one of the other fundamental purposes of networking, to gain market exposure and to be able to talk about yourself in a way that conveys your expertise and your transferable abilities and personal qualities. The balance between sending and receiving often is thrown off by the static that begins when a networker grabs the mike, hogs all the air time and talks the contact's ear off about himself. A programming note: This kind of script won't win you friends or enthusiastic referrals.
The second point to remember is: Before you go into a networking meeting, be sure you know what your expert is expert at.
Networking Is a Two-Way Street
A man once asked a contact to attend a networking meeting. He was in town for only one day and had heard that the contact knew "what was going on in human resources in Philly."
They agreed to meet at 5:00, and the contact explained that they absolutely had to wrap up by 5:40. He arrived promptly and immediately launched into a lecture about the human resource function in large corporations. He talked comfortably and articulately, never pausing for a moment to let his contact share his own wisdom.
After some time the contact began looking at his watch and began straightening the papers on his desk at 5:30. However, the man kept talking. The contact began stuffing papers into his briefcase, and at 5:40 stood up. Even then the man stood up and kept talking. The contact just shrugged and started down the hall. Strangely, the man matched him pace for pace and kept talking.
Finally, in the elevator lobby, the contact waved his hands semaphore style in his face and screeched, "Stop! What do you think you're doing? You've run about four red lights. You've lectured me about stuff I already know. You never asked for my opinion about anything. What is this, the first networking meeting you've ever done?" His eyes opened wide; "How did you know?"
"Why did Bruce mention me? In what way did he think I'd be able to help you?" The man replied, "I don't know. He just said you'd be a good person to talk to."
This opening is a real recipe for groping around blindly, wasting the networker's time and fostering the notion that you're unfocused and unprepared. Make sure you know why you've been referred to any particular contact, and take the time to prepare focused questions. At the very least, think seriously about the kinds of information or areas of knowledge you'll bring up in the networking meeting.
Perhaps the most potent and predictable reason that contacts will agree to meet with you is that people like to help people. In fact, most people find it hard to turn down requests for assistance. Exactly why they respond positively to requests for help is a matter they can leave to psychologists. Does a strain of pure altruism run through us all? Does rendering help create a dominant-subordinate relationship that gratifies our need for control? Is empathy a universal human trait? Do they all subconsciously hope that help given is like cosmic money-in-the-bank—a moral savings account that they'll be able to draw on if they ever need help themselves? In today's economy, do those who have jobs wonder whether a need to network might be waiting in their own future?
Who knows. The fact remains that most people will respond favorably to a request for help. However, a word of caution: it's not hard to turn off that impulse by:
- Asking for too much help: "Could you lend me $50,000, put me up in your spare bedroom and make sense out of my life for me?"
- Asking for too much time: "Could you spare half a day for me on Tuesday?"
- Whining, wheedling or making presumptuous demands: "Jack says you're the best person to network with, so I'll call Tuesday at 2:30 to schedule a meeting in the early afternoon of next Monday. I'll need you to review my resume and provide me with sound advice on available job openings."
Whom Should You Talk To?
Advising you to network with every living, breathing human you can get to talk to you probably isn't helpful advice, even though it may turn out to be true. Networking is a numbers game: The more people you see, the more chances you have to learn the juicy tidbits of information you need, and the greater your market exposure. It's that simple.
But what's simple isn't always easy. Systematic networking is time-consuming. When your networking efforts gather momentum and the number of new contacts multiplies geometrically, your greatest problem will be trying to find enough time to contact them all, return phone calls, schedule meetings, attend those meetings, and make follow-up calls while continuing to expand your network. Some order or priority has to be imposed. Whom should you see first, whom do you relegate to second and when and how do you reach out to scores of low-probability contacts?
