This extreme care is counterproductive. In terms of personal presentation, it's okay to be human. As Big Bird and Mister Rogers tell us, all humans make mistakes, and nothing terrible happens when they do. Be as focused as possible, have your facts straight, and be attentive. But know that we all occasionally lose our train of thought, get distracted, spill coffee down our front, or call people by the wrong name. Nobody loses many style points for exhibiting universal human vulnerabilities.
When you make a mistake, blow your lines, get tongue-tied or have your mind go blank (not if, but when; it's going to happen sometime), acknowledge the problem rather than pretend nothing happened. If you try to cover up some gaffe, your attempt requires the other person to go along with the pretense, and both of you become uncomfortable. In such situations, a magic phrase can stabilize things and enlist the other person's empathetic tendencies: "Please bear with me."
There's a universal tendency toward empowerment: Ask for a little help, and you'll get a little help. The request to bear with you while you collect yourself, gather your thoughts or sponge off your tie is easy to grant, and most people will, graciously and sincerely.
Here are some examples of the magic phrase and its variations: George, my fountain pen seems to have developed a leak, and ink is all over my fingers. I can't touch anything without smudging it up. Could you bear with me for a minute while I go down the hall and wash off my hands? And when I get back, might I borrow a pen that doesn't leak?
Laura, I'm sorry. While you were speaking, an eagle flew by outside and I got totally distracted. Could you tell me again who the movers and shakers are at Amalgamated Mining?
Jed, I'm going to have to ask you to bear with me today. My allergies are really kicking up, my sinuses are filled, and every time I look into the bright light from the window behind you it's like a shot to the head. If it looks like I'm not making strong eye contact, it's certainly not because I'm not interested. I know you've repeated it twice, but I have to confess that I still don't understand your question. I'm sorry if it appears that I'm hopelessly thick, but I'd still rather ask you to clarify your point then pretend I understand what you're driving at and try to bluff through an unresponsive answer.
War Story: No Murder in the Courtroom:
An inexperienced young trial lawyer stood at the podium before a notoriously tyrannical judge. The lawyer was methodically cross-examining a witness in excruciatingly boring detail from a lengthy outline. "On page 14 … On page 15 … On page 16 … he chugged along, determined not to betray his anxiety. The jury regarded him with boredom and contempt; he could tell they thought he was a tightly wrapped perfectionist. But he didn't dare relax. On he plodded: "On page 27 … On page 28 … On page 41 … Page 41?" He suddenly realized that more than 10 pages of the outline were missing!
Thunderstruck, he lurched back from the podium and, without thinking, croaked up at the forbidding presence in black: "Judge, (not "Your Honor" or "May it please the Court,") my notes just went from page 28 to page 41. Could you bear with me a second while I get my act together?" The judge paused and then softened: "Of course, Counsel. It happens to the best of us. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, why don't we take a brief recess while the defense counsel, ah, 'gets his act together.’" Miracle of miracles, the judge hadn't held him in contempt nor did he ridicule him. Better yet, when the jury filed in from the recess, he noticed that a few of them smiled at him and one shrugged knowingly.
He realized he had just gone from being a blue-suited bore to a fallible, likable human being. He relaxed. Then, the jury relaxed. It was a lesson he never forgot.
Wrecking Rapport:
Unfortunately, not all human networking sins go unpunished. Some miscues aren't the result of forgivable foibles; they stem from indifference, inattention, inflexibility, and indolence. They immediately and often permanently ruin any chance of a lasting rapport.
Tardiness, for example, is inexcusable. Never be late. You've asked for "a little time," yet your behavior shows that you're careless about the contact's schedule. In their rush to line up as many meetings as possible, many networkers cut the margins too fine. If an earlier meeting goes terrifically well and therefore runs long, if there's a jackknifed tractor-trailer on the expressway, if there's no parking close by, or if you discover you didn't really know how to get there, you suffer the embarrassment of having abused the contact's time.
Plan logistics far more conservatively than you think you need to. Buy a street map and actually plot the route with a colored marker. Bring extra money for parking. Have the contact's phone number handy. If you get hung up, use your car phone or duck into a booth to explain the delay and to update your estimated time of arrival.
Clothes can be another problem. You don't have to specially dress for success, but too many networkers give little thought to appropriate attire. You're showing your "game face" in networking, and you should dress the way you would for work, erring a bit on the dressed-up side. If you're meeting a person you don't know or someone of distinctly higher rank than you, show deference by dressing slightly more formally and conservatively than you might otherwise. Rapport builds on respect.
Overly casual attire suggests a casual attitude about the meeting. Dress that tries to make an individual statement, a buckskin jacket with a two-foot fringe, or a flamboyant red dress with football-player shoulder pads suggests that creating an impression is more important than building rapport.
The basic rule for dress is: Be remarkable unremarkably. How you dress should suggest that you care about your appearance without fixating on it. Understatement is best. Any clothing item or accessory that says, "Look at me!" will tend to shout louder than the message you're trying to convey with your mouth. Pay extra attention to personal hygiene before heading to networking meetings. Your nails, hair, breath, facial hair, and body odor are all on parade and are capable of ruining an otherwise positive image. Take nothing for granted.
One sin is committed all too often: a networker rushes into a meeting, expecting and hoping for immediate gratification and help. If he doesn't learn or receive something of value instantly, he concludes the meeting is a dud, shuts down all attention systems and sits there like a lump waiting for it to end. Contacts, of course, read this "checking out" behavior. They can't check out if the meeting is in their office. But any perceived lack of interest on your part will be fatal to your chances of future referrals or of being remembered favorably.
