Some advice that all networkers receive is that while meeting one's contacts, one should be his or her normal self, there should be no pretense, and no artificial or simulated attempt should be made to camouflage one's real self.
Here's some advice for any networkers: just be your normal self under no false pretense, and do not make any artificial or simulated attempt to camouflage the real you.
However, there are two noteworthy exceptions to the basic idea that you should just be yourself and let your natural style find free expression: eye contact and the rate of speech.
In our culture, "the eyes are the window to the soul." Strong, solid eye contact conveys candor and trust. In some other cultures, lowered eyes are a signal of deference, not shame or an attempt to hide the truth. Most people tend to break eye contact when thinking and then reestablish it when speaking or listening. But too many of us are shy or have gotten lazy in our habits: in a conversation, we tend to spend more time out of eye contact than in it, creating an impression of either evasiveness or a lack of interest.
You can improve your eye contact simply by forcing yourself to think about it. It's a behavior that you can modify over time until it becomes natural to engage in eye contact more strongly, or until you've mastered the knack of looking natural as you consciously remind yourself to spend more time staring into someone's eyeballs. If looking into someone's eyes makes you too uncomfortable, try focusing on the bridge of the nose; it works almost as well. Networking meetings probably aren't the best places to practice; until you've mastered this new behavior, you're apt to be inconsistent in your eye contact, which will unnerve the people you're meeting with. Practice during regular day-to-day interactions where nothing is at stake.
Hello, Motor-Mouth:
Your rate of speech may not be something you're terribly aware of, but those listening to you are. Under the stress of a networking meeting, you are being judged, you are responsible for maintaining the pace, and you must keep within agreed upon time constraints. You might speak faster than normal, run sentences together, and breathe on the fly in rapid, sucking gasps.
This is called "pressured speech." In addition to betraying nervousness and a lack of self-confidence, your delivery may give contacts the impression that they shouldn't interrupt your torrent of words. They won't; they'll let you keep talking. You, in turn, won't understand why they're so silent, which will make you more nervous, which will make you talk still faster until you find yourself over controlling the meeting with your speech rate.
Under networking pressures, many people lapse into "interrogatory inflection": the pitch of their voice tends to rise sharply at the end of almost every phrase or sentence. It sounds like they're asking a series of questions, and it's the way eight-year-olds tend to talk. If you want to "hear" what it sounds like, just read the following aloud:
Um, I was born just north of Chicago? My Dad was a CPA who wanted me to join him in his firm? I went to parochial high school and then to Valparaiso College in Indiana? I found I was not good at math? So I majored in political science? I graduated summa cum laude? So I got into Columbia? After I got my PhD in 1983, I joined the State Department?
In an adult, this speech pattern conveys a lack of confidence. It implies such concerns as: How am I doing? Does this make sense? Do you believe me? Am I comprehensible?
At all times determine if your body language is in sync with what you are trying to say. Too much gesturing, speaking too fast or failing to make eye contact will not only dilute your message but convey to your networking contact that you lack confidence, that you are unsure of yourself and that you can hardly wait for the meeting to end.
On the other hand if you speak slowly, clearly, enunciate every word carefully in a well-modulated voice, and maintain eye contact, even if you have to refer to your papers, you will come across as a confident and charismatic personality and your message will carry worth and significance.
Slow Down:
Trial lawyers and news announcers use a good technique for slowing speech and sounding more confident. To practice it, drop the pitch, not the volume, of your voice distinctly at the end of each phrase or sentence. Pause briefly. Breathe. Start speaking again. You'll find that you can speak very quickly between pauses without sounding rushed. With a little practice, this speak-drop pitch-pause-breathe speak pattern can become second nature.
Lights, Camera:
Speech and eye contact patterns show up readily on video. If you have any qualms about your style, put your camcorder on a tripod facing you as you face and talk to a family member or friend. Have a ten-minute conversation; you'll need the first five minutes just to forget the camera is recording your every move that includes your two-minute drill, your tale, and your objectives.
Play it back at regular speed first. Look for patterns of eye contact and listen to the timbre and rate of your speech. Then, rewind it and play it through on fast-forward, looking particularly at your hand gestures and posture. If your hands are in constant motion, dart around, are too theatrical, this usually means that they fly out past your body plane, resemble a hummingbird in flight, or include nervous patterns, such as tapping fingers or playing with glasses or pencils. The high-speed playback will make this very clear.
In real life, your hands and habits may be distracting. The best way to quiet such mannerisms is to become calm and confident about who you are and what you're doing. Working piecemeal to correct specific mannerisms is tough and often unproductive. It may make you look like a talking dog.
Even if you're bored silly by the contact's pointless or unfocused banter, you must continue to look interested. This is an art that can be mastered with practice: head nods, confirming comments, "Yes, I see." "Oh, that's interesting." "You know, I'd never thought of it that way," and strong eye contact. Never prop your chin in your hand, examine your fingernails, yawn or sigh, or try to read anything on the contact's desk upside down. You must work hard to stay in the meeting for the entire duration.
