Networking technique is no different. Although it's a common-sense process pinned solidly to the Golden Rule, networking is just different enough from the other kinds of social interaction to make you feel self-conscious and awkward, at least at the beginning and when you're confronted with the unexpected. Writing down what to do and carrying this to-do list with you to networking meetings and stopping the proceedings periodically to figure out what to do or say next probably won't work much better than carrying Jean-Claude Killy's introduction to skiing with you to the slope for a little on-site boning up.
But inasmuch as examples tend to imprint differently on our brain from didactic prose, it may be useful at this point to listen in on some typical conversations—all completely hypothetical but rooted in situations that can happen or have happened. By eavesdropping on others, you may be able to create your own mental audio tape, parts of which may pop into your mind in some real- world scene of your own. Some of these vignettes are meant to model effective technique, others to illuminate predictable pitfalls, and still others to model tactical problems or issues.
The Setup: Ned is a young man just completing the last year of a joint MBA/ JD graduate program. He has had no meaningful prior work experience, and he's not sure where and how to apply his new educational credentials. Everyone tells him he must network with people in various fields and roles to get a better sense of "what's out there." His Dad sets him up with a contact who used to practice law and now runs a small food-processing company. In this first vignette, watch how quickly the failure to plan for a meeting can make the networker feel lost and defensive.
During his meeting with the contact he sounds indecisive and not knowing what he really wants. Ned may be no more immature or anxious than others his age, but his problem was in his inability to articulate his goals, to describe the thinking that went into his stated decisions. He sounded passive and unreflective. Several times, he suggested that the initiative for this networking meeting came primarily from his father, which suggests that his educational decision may have come from the same source. The repeated references to his father's opinion don't help Ned at all in having an adult-to-adult conversation with an older contact.
Young people or those just starting their careers often feel overpowered or tongue-tied in the presence of those who are older and more experienced in life and work. They may think their own thoughts are unworthy of credibility or respect. We shouldn't expect young people to have and project a laser-beam career focus. It's okay to be young.
But successful networking at this level does require them to demonstrate that they've given both their career and each networking meeting some serious thought. They must make some effort to structure issues and priorities. When networking, it's important that they be able to describe the line between what they do know, as a result of prior reflection and research, and what they don't.
Given the realities of today's workplace, being out of work is not even remotely remarkable. The fact of unemployment doesn't automatically create an assumption that you were a poor performer or are damaged goods. On the other hand, unemployed networkers must be able to articulate, clearly and credibly, the reasons for their being out of work. The tale must pass the giggle test and not jostle the hogwash meter. A simple, short and succinct tale works best.
When people announce significant changes in their career path, particularly if they've enjoyed success or stability in their present work, it's natural for others to suspect that they're acting out or "going through a midlife crisis." To convince others to buy into and support your career change efforts, you must demonstrate that you've thought the goals through and are trying to chart toward new passages rather than simply to run away from disappointment or discomfort. Many people fear change. Your decision to embark on a new course may be seen as a repudiation of their values or of their decision to stand apart. A career change can therefore be a lonely journey. To get others to go with you—at least in spirit—you must show determination, enthusiasm and at least a rudimentary sense of direction.
When contacts are afraid that they have no specific useful information, they'll often resort to blanket assurances, like, "With splendid credentials like yours, Myrna, you'll have absolutely no trouble finding a job." They may resort to generalities, such as, "In today's changing world marketplace, those who don't adapt will soon be as extinct as the dinosaur, so it's essential that you keep your mind open and your skills up to date".
When someone does this to you, first acknowledge and thank them for their "wisdom." Then, bring them gently back down to ground level, here and now: “I really appreciate your viewpoint on my marketability, because I think every job seeker worries about that. Now, in terms of specific activity I might undertake to locate all those people who would find my credentials attractive, can you think of anyone in particular I might make a call to?”
If yours is a highly technical or arcane field of employment, describing your strengths or objectives in jargon or shoptalk terms may befuddle a contact who isn't in your field and leave him totally unable to describe you to someone else. It may take considerable practice to learn to describe your desired position in comprehensible terms without being patronizing. In such situations, it's often easier to describe what you do, breaking your role into specific functions, than to use technical nomenclature to describe what you are.
Career shifters often have difficulty conveying a clear sense of focus because their skills and abilities might work well in a variety of roles or settings. When a contact asks, "What do you want to do next?" it can be hard to suggest the breadth of options without sounding unfocused. Most people can comfortably remember three general categories, particularly if they describe them starting with the most specific and concrete and move to the more abstract.
There's no magic to the word "networking." You can spindle, fold, mutilate and lambaste the term without reducing the process's underlying strengths and utility. What matters is that there be effective meetings in which the parties are comfortable with the three main purposes that underlie networking's power: getting information, visibility, and the names of others to whom the process can be extended. The point in networking isn't to ennoble the process; it's to learn to use it.
