Have you ever noticed, for example, that while you always end up on the short end of Fate, there are others who always seem to end up on the right side of it. Probably, it's no accident. Find a person who always seems to be in the "right place at the right time," and you will be in front of someone who knows how to recognize and convert opportunities to his or her own advantage.
Blaming your bad luck on someone else is worse yet. It moves the locus of control "out there" where you can't do any-thing to make it better. What you really need to do is buckle down and figure out how to gain more control.
When you catch yourself falling into the blaming trap, a neon stop sign should go on in your head. Instead of falling into "poor-me, rotten-you" thinking, ask yourself how you can turn your defeat into a more positive experience. Perhaps you've been unfairly treated. Can you think of ways you could have handled the situation differently? Honestly, were you the stellar, out-standing citizen and employee you're now claiming to be? Did a competitor beat you, perhaps, because he actually had better skills or better connections?
Sometimes we lose out on things we really want because someone knew someone who knew someone who helped your rival gain the inside advantage. You can call it "rotten luck," or you can identify it as a need for better networking or more marketable job skills.
Don't waste time catastrophizing failure. Admittedly, it can-and often does-feel like the end of the world. Most failures, however, are temporary setbacks rather than career enders. The key is to be able to overcome the blow to your ego, which almost always occurs, so you can learn the lessons failure can teach.
Invariably, one of these lessons involves humility. No matter how high you climb, you'll always make mistakes. Owning up to those mistakes is part of the process of career growth.
The name "Dr. Spock" was a household word to most baby boomers' parents, who religiously followed his recommendations when rearing their children. Because of his widespread success, Benjamin Spock never anticipated the criticism he'd receive a generation later at the hands of feminists who vehemently disagreed with his advice. After these attacks, Dr. Spock retreated into emotional isolation to determine what had happened. At first he simply nursed his wounds. Once he got past the hurt, though, he began to see his critics' point. He adapted his view-point publicly and acknowledged that fathers were equally capable of good child-rearing practices.
It was a sign of Dr. Spock's wisdom and strength that he was eventually able to hear the criticism and respond to it appropriately. Otherwise, he would have quickly become an anachronism, a man who could not respond to the call of new times.
Criticisms can be painful but important learning experiences. Sometimes, as in Spock's case, they're well justified. Other times, they're mostly professional jealousy, someone else's sour grapes. In either case, you must learn to find the kernel of truth in what others say about you. More important, you must learn to listen to the voice within yourself. Know what those nagging self-doubts you carry in your head really mean lest you turn them into self-fulfilling prophecy.
Karl Wallenda was the leader of the Flying Wallendas trapeze act and the greatest high-wire walker in the world. He never thought about falling and he never did. But one night, he told his wife that he'd begun to think about falling. The next day, he fell to his death.
We'll never know exactly what happened. Had Wallenda lost his skill? If so, it was only a matter of time before he also lost his footing. Or had he become more aware of his own mortality (as most adults do) and therefore lost his nerve? Either way, the shift in his own thinking was a clue that it was time for him to stop. Had he heeded that message, he would have retired from high-wire walking and probably would have lived on into old age.
Most of us live less risky professional lives. The mistakes we make may be painful but they're rarely life-threatening. Sometimes, as with Wallenda, mistakes are indications that you've risked too much. From them, you can learn to calculate your own risk-taking nature and potential.
Setbacks can show you what not to do again and teach you how to cope with-and grow-from failure. While you may never embrace failure wholeheartedly, you may find some truth in the cliche that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Having survived your losses, you may discover a newfound power within yourself. With that strength, you'll gain an opportunity to triumph.
When Eva Olson decided to leave her position as the executive director of Sculpture Chicago, a nonprofit art agency, she did so with an all-important safety net. She had a one-year employment contract to work as the marketing director for an upscale health spa that was still in the planning stages. A few months into the contract, though, the owner lost some of her investors (as well as the interest, enthusiasm and resources to follow through on the project). Employment contract notwithstanding, Olson's paycheck stopped.
While the lawyers haggle over the terms of the settlement, she has been forced to scramble for consulting work in order to stay financially solvent. Although she regrets the foul-up of her contract, she does not regret her decision to leave her old administrative position in order to work more independently.
"The experience has taught me how resilient I can be when I need to" says Olson. "I have more confidence in myself now that I ever did before. I'm just beginning to discover what's really possible."
Then, when her next success arrives, it will be that much more satisfying to know just how thoroughly she earned and deserves it.
