Among your relatives and friends there are probably several individuals possessing writing skills superior to yours. You may know a teacher or two - with luck a teacher of English. Perhaps one of your friends has some journalistic experience, even if it was only writing for the high school paper. Do you know anyone in advertising or public relations? They are usually expert in written communications.
Swallow your pride and ask for help. Ask your friends for help in composing your letters. They shouldn't write the letters for you, as the letters must sound like you when you show up for interviews. Rather, ask them to read what you have written and solicit their suggestions for improving your job search correspondence. It is usually flattering to those who write well to be given the opportunity to show off their skills.
While you are searching for help, don't overlook your children whose expensive college education you financed. It might bruise your ego to admit it, but one of those kids of yours might have the creative talent to write more powerfully than Mom or Dad.
The Importance of "You"
Years ago I read the following words of wisdom (source unknown):
The Five Most Important Words:
"You make me proud of you." The Four Most Important Words:
"What is your opinion?" The Three Most Important Words:
"If you please." The Two Most Important Words:
"Thank you." The Least Important Word:
A common weakness in communication is overuse of the first person. This happens both in written and oral communications, but in this article the focus will be on writing. If you can break yourself of this habitual overuse of the first person in your writing, the improvement will extend into your oral presentations. Develop the habit of using "you" instead of "I in writing and speaking.
There is nothing wrong with being the center of your own universe. After all, it is your life to live and to enjoy. But don't forget people around you are also trying to live their lives. Be aware of your needs, but don't forget you have to interact with others. Few can go it alone. Everyone needs the love, support, and respect of others to make living worthwhile.
Enter the salesman! That is your role at present, so play it well. Relegate your ego to a subordinate position. Focus your attention on the temperament of the buyer whose life revolves around HIS ego. Don't talk about your needs. Place the emphasis on his needs, his problems, and his desires. Reduce the use of the first person in your writing. Instead of "I", "me", "my", lace your letters and your conversations with "you", "you", and "you".
Is overuse of the first person really so injurious when it comes to finding a job? Absolutely!
I, ME, MINE, MY, MYSELF are deadly words, and the person they kill is YOU! When you are job hunting, you are selling a product. You are a sales person. A seller's goal is to appeal to the ego of the buyer. Successful sales people get to be successful by always concentrating on the desires, needs and dreams of the buyers.
Would you buy from a used car sales person who said:
"Mr. Customer, I think this is the best buy on the lot. I've had this car out on the road and I've been very impressed with the way it responds to my needs. I know this car will give you excellent wear and I'm sure I won't hear any complaints from you after you drive it off my lot."
Now, compare the preceding with the following approach and attitude:
"Mr. Astute Customer, this automobile will bring you lots of enjoyment and pride of ownership. You'll be pleased with its gas mileage and general performance. You won't find a better buy and the money you save will let you and your family enjoy that driving vacation you mentioned earlier."
This salesman has focused on the buyer's ego. He realizes his own opinions and desires are irrelevant. What counts is the buyer's feelings.
Enter the job hunter who is selling a product, himself:
"Mr. Smith, I was very excited when I saw your ad for a Quality Control Manager. I've been looking for a chance to join a growing company where I will be able to use my skills which I've developed during my ten years of experience in your company's field of electronics."
Is this what the employer wants to hear? NO, NO, NO! The employer doesn't give a hoot about your being excited or wanting to use your skills. A stronger presentation follows:
"Mr. Smith, your company will be strengthened by the addition of an experienced Quality Assurance specialist with a successful background in the electronic industry. Your company's growth suggests you are already dedicated to maintaining high quality standards which is a mandatory ingredient for success with the kind of demanding and discriminating customers with whom you do business."
Here the emphasis is on "you". The appeal is to Mr. Smith's ego, to his concerns. This approach is infinitely more likely to capture Mr. Smith's interest and sympathy.
Following is an actual letter mailed to more than three hundred manufacturers. Names and a few minor details have been changed to preserve anonymity. It is a "nice" letter and presents the picture of a hard working, dedicated professional. The letter's response was an absolute ZERO! The writer obsessively stresses his wants, his needs, his desires, ignoring the needs of the reader.
Notice the first person usage in the letter shown as an example.
I am presenting for your professional review a copy of My personal resume. I am seeking a position in Sales Administration that will utilize My education and expertise.
I have been in the Sales Administration field for many years. During this time, I have been exposed to all phases of order processing, customer relations, billing procedures, and internal coordination with manufacturing, warehousing, and other functions. The expediting of orders has been an area of sales management in which I have had extensive experience.
I am self-motivated and hard working, setting high personal and professional standards, My performance is thorough, resourceful, and well organized. I am able to design and implement improved systems and programs, to supervise numerous personnel, and I know how to motivate others to achieve goals through team effort.
General business experience has given Me insight and overview into company functions, I also possess computer knowledge and I understand credit and collections procedures.
I am a loyal and conscientious professional and I pursue every aspect of My duties in a highly serious manner. In all My business dealings, I strive to adhere to the Principles and Standards advocated by the National Sales Management Association, of which I am a member.
I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you personally to examine more specifically how My interests and My experience might be used within your organization. I may be contacted at My address or My telephone number listed above.
Sincerely,
Paul Walsh's letter was deliberately selected as a horrible example, but it is not as unusual as you might think. You might get a shock if you look at some of your own correspondence and circle the first person pronouns.
Your correspondence will be more effective if you discipline yourself as follows. When you draft a letter, before you make corrections of punctuation, grammar and content, read your letter directing your attention solely to FIRST PERSON USAGE. In this reading, don't allow your attention to be distracted by other considerations. Just focus on your use of the first person. Circle each "I," "ME," "MY," "MINE," "MYSELF."
Try to see how many of the I's you can convert to you's. E ach first person pronoun you eliminate strengthens your communication. Each first person you can convert to a second person pronoun will add power to your message.
Now you are ready to read your letter over for content. Your letter should convey your message in a convincing manner, without errors in punctuation, spelling, or grammar. Read your letter several times to make certain you have accomplished all that is said about usage of first person. Of course, it is acceptable to use the first person occasionally. Use the first person when you absolutely need to do so, or when you want to use it deliberately for some specific emphasis.
For example, if you want to advise the reader you will phone for an appointment it would be difficult to express that thought without saying, "I will call your office next week to arrange for a brief meeting." Or you might want to emphasize some achievement such as, "For six years I had bottom line responsibility, and each year profits increased more than 15%".
What you must do is break the careless habit of using the first person indiscriminately, the same way that many persons are unable to speak without saying "you know" at the beginning, in the middle, or at the end of each sentence.
Now, let's rewrite the (example shown above) letter, focusing only on first person usage to see what improvements are possible. Let's strengthen the letter by changing the emphasis from "me" to "you".
For example, first paragraph, first sentence: Instead of starting with "I am presenting for..." you could say, "Presented for your review is...". Is it necessary to say, "My resume?" Of course it is yours, and of course it is a "personal" resume. Are any resumes "impersonal?" The letter could have started out: "The enclosed resume, submitted for your review, describes an experienced and dedicated Sales Administrator who..."
Other improvements can be made to this letter. The letter could use a more powerful opening "grabber" and a resume should not have been enclosed. Also several of Walsh's strengths could have been presented more effectively by the inclusion of six or seven accomplishments.
This re-worded letter is directed to Mr. Escrow's ego. The 17 first persons have been reduced to only two. Even more important, the three second person pronouns have been increased to nine instances of "you" and "your".
To help you avoid overuse of the first person, keep this rule in mind:
IT IS ACCEPTABLE TO USE THE FIRST PERSON
OCCASIONALLY, BUT NEVER START A
PARAGRAPH WITH THE FIRST PERSON.
Generally, a paragraph introduces a new thought. If you get into the habit of not starting paragraphs with a first person pronoun, you will find yourself rapidly getting rid of a bad habit which will have value far beyond your job hunting endeavors. After you land your job, apply what you have learned here to your inter-office memos and other business correspondence. Become "YOU" ORIENTED, rather than EGO CENTERED. You will become more successful by endearing yourself to your peers and superiors. Coincidentally, you may also notice improvement in your family and social relationships.
Now that I have given you something to think about, I hope your correspondence will improve impressively. If it does, I will consider my efforts worthwhile. I wish you lots of good fortune in your search for employment. I am confident you will succeed because of your avoidance of paragraphs such as the one I have written here!
This article directs your attention to parameters of length, the preferred use of "you", instead of 'I', and general comments about each type of letter, with samples for your guidance.
The job hunter's letters are:
- Letters answering ads
- Broadcast letters
- Letters of approach when networking
- "Thank you" letters
These letters vary in length depending on the complexity of the position advertised and the number of criteria listed in the ad. You have a lot to say about the product you are selling, YOU, so this type of letter should cover at least a full page, or preferably a page and a half. It might be necessary to go to a full second page but, absolutely no longer. Save some of your ammunition for the interview. Avoid the pitfall of boring the reader with too much detail.
Every week you will see wonderful job opportunities advertised. Interviews will be granted to those job searchers who have learned to present their candidacy in writing in an appealing form.
Good letters will elicit interviews. Then, proper preparation and good interview techniques will result in job offers.
Broadcast Letters
This type of letter is sent to a selective list of potential employers drawn from directories and other sources. The objective is to attract attention of an executive whose current needs might coincide with the background and skills offered by the job seeker.
The effective Broadcast Letter should cover a page, but never go beyond that length. You are competing for the attention of a busy executive; you want your letter to get to the point and lead to an interview. If you haven't captured the reader's interest by the end of the first page, it is not likely that you will say anything on page two that will do the trick.
Networking Approach Letter
Here you seek a brief meeting with a busy person. Get to the point. Your Letters of Approach should not exceed three-fourths of a page. There is no job content to discuss. You just want to make a favorable impression on another human being who might be able to help you. You are asking for a short interview, to demonstrate to the recipient by your letter that you can get to the point in a brief, succinct manner.
Your correspondence does not have to be perfect but, it should be as good as your skills can make it. What you are trying to do is improve your odds, and better correspondence will often make the difference that gives you an edge over other candidates competing for a position that rightly should be yours.
