The more individual style you have the greater the risk of either great turn-off or great turn-on. But it is perhaps still better to be remembered than be eternally damned to being, "Oh, him, her-Oh, old what's his/ her name?" The faceless, nameless bodies who simply plod through classes, halls, offices, homes and lives; just simply dull, dull, dull, so perfectly conforming no one ever sees or hears them.
What do you notice in others? (They notice the same things in you.) Although impressions occur simultaneously, they will usually break down into three categories: appearance, voice, and body and face language.
So, although we will be talking about these three areas in order, this is not to imply that the receiver of your messages will view/hear them in any order or that there will be any priority put on them.
Appearance-Stop and think for a moment, what do you notice about others' appearances? Probably your list will include such things as dress, posture, neatness and hair. Well, let's look at what messages you are sending, and to whom they are being sent.
Dress-Dude, white socks, high pockets, hippy, ivy league, hard hat, stuffed shirt, starched collar-these words didn't all get into your vocabulary by accident. Isn't what we are admitting is that we are classifying people by how they dress and that their dress to us has become symbolic of what their personalities are likely to be?
Naturally, I can't speak for you, but my guess is that both of us actually think in pretty short sentences when we are sizing people up. You know such things as "jerk," "square," "cool," "with it," "far out" don't take long to think up. Well, if we do that kind of thinking about others, isn't it natural they are doing the same kind of thinking about us, and just about as fast, too?
Now, I know this whole dress thing gets just about half of us all uptight about the other half most of the time. Which is fair enough, but shouldn't we be asking the question about impression-making and getting a job? No question, a lot of the youth of this country got so turned off with the Viet Nam war, and their elders' seemingly constant hypocrisy, that they went the "let it all hang out" route, from hair to shirt-tail, as a visual protest to the system which didn't seem to be doing very much for anyone. Now that protest style has become vague, there is the question, are these people any longer dressing in protest or are they dressing in slavish conformity, for fear of not being "in" with their immediate peer group? And, if so, are they hurting their own job prospects by, in essence, saying "screw you" to a potential employer? These are very personal questions, which only you can answer, but perhaps should be considering.
Now down to the nitty-gritty of dress. Appropriateness-Day-to-day, are you dressing as a protest? To stay acceptable to your peer group, or as an extension of your ego, or as you want to be seen, or as an asset to your job and your future? Well? Come clean, not to me but to yourself. Now, is the price you are paying worth the gain you are getting? And what message are you telling others by the way you are dressing?
How many times have you seen secretaries dressed as if they were going to a cocktail party in the office? What's their message? Or a dude who works in a bank and looks like he's on the way to the track? What's his message? Or the manual worker who looks like he was on his way to a rock concert? If the job bugs you so much, get out. If it doesn't, just who do you think you are hurting by the way you dress? The guy who sees you and immediately pigeon holes you? Or your peer group? Who but you? And what are you saying about yourself if you constantly dress like every other person in your group. Sure, habits are easy, and who cares? Well, lots of people will and do judge you just as you do on how you dress. But most important, is your dress appropriate for who, where and what you are doing.
All of this does not mean you cannot be "you" and have your own style. You may go for the conventional look or the mod "in" fashions, or only wear cuff-links, or only pearls, or no jewelry, etc., but having your style does not mean it must turn someone else off at the same time.
Next, in appearance, your posture. Both sitting and standing. Are you showing your true personality by the way you sit and stand? Are the slightly hunched shoulders really the way you feel? Or the exaggerated military attention look the real you? Or the slouch with feet always ups on something, the real you? Or are you one of those that feel that your comfort is the only thing, and as people get to know you they will then see your true inner depth? But suppose they don't even want to see more; then you have so thoroughly turned them off with what you let them see that's enough? Maybe you say that's their tough luck-maybe, but is it really? When you turn people off, who are you really hurting? Or can your body show people if you are paying attention to them? I think it can.
And other people believe what you tell them by your posture. And who is most important to them? You or themselves? Okay, if you don't look like you care about them, then why should they care about you? Oh, sure I know they are hiring you for your brains or back, but not at the expense of their egos.
Neatness-Maybe your eyes are rolling in your head with such clichés as "cleanliness is next to Godliness" and the like, or "not back to the military shoe-shine bit" or "here we go again with the clean nails and hands before we can eat dinner." Well, O.K., let's face it, I believe most people prefer clean, neat "other" people, and if your hang ups are so great, forget it, but 1 honestly believe most people given a choice of looking at some dirty slob prefer a reasonable degree of neatness.
N ot that it can't be taken too far the other way too, you know the manicured nails on a man, which personally gives me the creeps, or the three-times-a-day washer, or the male hair primper, etc.
But a dirty, unkept schnook simply is saying to me that he or she is so afraid to try, that they want to make sure they have excuses in advance for their failures they think are coming. Coward, not cool, is my own first thought, and my second, lazy, and my third, thoughtlessness.
In some groups to be neat takes courage and it's up to you if you are willing to spend that kind of courage. Others, most of them don't really care much about you, and would much prefer happily categorizing you, than to tell you right out why you failed their own personal standards.
Last, but by no means least, the all topical hair. An electrified mop or a large beehive sitting on top of a head looks, to many people, just plain funny. I'm not talking about long or short hair, but whether your hair types suits you, and secondly, whether your hair type suits your job. Or, does it merely conform to what the leader of your group happens to wear? He or she is probably not you, and although imitation is a true form of flattery, it shouldn't be done to your own detriment.
Speech-The first time others hear you speak they sense the inner rather than the outer "you" coming out. Everything about it, from accent, to grammar, to quality, to vocabulary, to pronunciation, to over-using the "in" words, to giving messages far faster than what you are actually saying. Yes, it is much easier to sit back and say to yourself, "Well, 1 always did have a speech problem" and believe everybody else will accept it. They won't. Why should they? Do you? The nasal rasp or the use of words the speaker doesn't know the meaning of probably bugs you, too. If you are in doubt about your own voice, make a recording and listen to it; well, what you are hearing is you. People don't hear your inner feeling, your worries, cares, sensitivities, ideas, deep thoughts, they hear just what you hear, your voice, diction, grammar, etc.
As you are probably aware, there are a number of components to your voice which you either like, or wish you could change.
Your accent-Most of us speak the way the people in our part of the country speak. Each part of the country speaks a little or a lot differently from any other section. A little accent is usually considered part of an individual's charm and is enjoyed. But an extreme in any accent can make it hard for others to understand you at all.
Your grammar- Can you speak the language properly? No one is likely to mention to you that you don't, but have no fear, they will notice it, and probably put you down in their book as either stupid or uneducated or simply lazy. None of this will happen if you are willing to spend a little time learning and practicing the rules. The quality of your voice-This is hard to describe. Do you modulate your voice? That is, vary the pitch; not speak in a monotone, either high or low? Do you give the words you say meaning by the speed and emphasis you put on them? Does your voice simply sound pleasant to hear?
Your vocabulary-Do you keep using a few words over and over, or do you have the ability to pick the exact word for the meaning you are trying to convey? We are fortunate in English in having one of the largest selections of words available in any language and are able to put the precise meaning on almost any feeling or thought we may have.
But the use of a large or technical vocabulary inappropriately may land you in as much trouble as the under-use will. Both can dig you a deep hole, and again no one is likely to tell you about it. Luckily, our vocabulary is something we can do something about if we wish. So, it is up to you whether you feel it is worth the time and effort.
The use of "in" words-The current words which say to others that you really know where "it's at," at that moment. Naturally, when talking with your peer group it's the "thing" to do, but when talking to others it may help you to show that, in addition to the vernacular, you can also speak English when the time is appropriate. Aware, anyone you are talking to is saying lots more than the mere words he is using in his conversation. Probably we learned to see what people were saying while we were still babies, before we learned the meaning of words; we were able to get the drift of what "Mom" or "Dad" really meant. This inherent reading of body and face sign language never leaves us. So, now the question is, what are you really saying to others with your body and sign language?
Your eyes-Do you let them sparkle and shine like you are glad to be alive and truly interested in the other person? Or are your eyes half-closed and kind of dull-looking? If they are, open them up, blink them so they glisten.' You notice others'; so others' are probably noticing yours.
Your mouth-Is it smiling or curling and snarling? Look in a mirror and see. Remember John Erlichman in the Watergate mess, how he always seemed to be sneering at everyone and everything? Most people who looked at him on TV didn't even bother to hear him; they had already decided what they thought of him even before he ever opened his mouth.
Are you one of those persons who have never been told to breathe through his nose and, as a consequence, always keeps his mouth slightly slung open, which inevitably gives him a stupid look. Or the person who has the fixed toothpaste smile on all the time, to the extent that you really never know when he is truly smiling? Or the person who clamps his lips tightly and always looks angry? Few people will ever tell you what you really look like, so it's up to you to ask them; and also look in the mirror critically. And if you don't like what you see, do something about it.
Your hands-After the eyes and mouth, your hands are the next thing most people will notice. Now I'm not trying to imply that if you were born with small, large, narrow or fat hands that you can do anything about it; you can't. But you can control how you use them. Are they nervous and fidgety? Expressive? Stuck out of your cuffs like two blocks of wood? Nails clean? Do your hands aid your conversation or distract from it? And look like a judge when you are listening? Do they go out to people? Or do they hang loosely, like they were trying to figure out what to do with themselves? Your legs-Do they seem to always dangle and be in the way? Or do they give the impression that you are very much in control of them and that they are anxious to do "your" head's command? Does it have the semi-pregnant look most of the time? Your shoulders; are they kind of drooped forward in a defensive "I-don't-really-care-about-anything" look, or artificially drawn up and back in a semi-military attention? Does your body basically look interesting or dull? Does it matter? Well, do you notice others? And what do you notice? Your head-Do you cock it to one side or the other? Keep it way up or way down? What messages are you getting from others, by their heads? What messages are you sending?
Your mannerisms-I'm pretty sure you know people who brush the hair out of their eyes every 15 or 20 seconds. Or are you constantly playing with their hair, or rubbing their chin or nose, or playing with something in their hands, or drawing imaginary pictures in the air, or always have the same smart greeting, or wink constantly.
Well, what are your mannerisms? Do they add or detract from your overall impression? Or are we supposed to overlook yours? Well, do you overlook theirs? Look carefully at yourself; probably you are unaware of just what mannerisms you do have or how often you use them. Finally, putting it all together, what is your style? How do people remember you? Or do they remember you at all? Is the impression you are giving a pleasing one? A blah one? Some degree of obnoxious one? What can you do about it? Is it worth it? If you don't care, why should they?
If you do have or do develop an individual and pleasing style you will be remembered, and be remembered fondly. And like it or not, your style, or lack of it, well may be remembered much longer than what you say, think or even feel.
