In order to be happy and successful in your career, it is imperative that you be honest with yourself, see through what can be called your "illusory self," and get at your real self
Defined simply, the illusory self is the person you perceive yourself to be or the person you wish you were, rather than the person you really are. The illusory self tends to be particularly overpowering in highly competent people who mold themselves to fit their functions and who make their career moves by tailoring themselves to what they think is available rather than to what they really want.
I suppose it's natural to be somewhat afraid of what we might find if we look deep within ourselves: Anxiety, stress, dissatisfaction, and anger. These are feelings that we're taught from childhood that should be hidden or suppressed, not freely expressed when it comes to career. As a result, we put a great deal of energy into our facades without ever examining what's beneath them. The key is to stop trying to be what you think you have to be to keep your job, and instead, be yourself in a job that's suited to you.
Here's an exercise you might try with a spouse or close friend who will help you see past your illusory self This exercise is designed to stimulate conversation, not provide easy answers, since it is only by talking and sharing our feelings with others that we can truly communicate.
For each of the following five items, rate yourself on a scale of one to six, with one being exceptional and six being poor. Have a close friend or spouse rate you with the same scale, then discuss - and I mean really discuss - your conclusions. (Bear in mind that others may rate you lower than you rate yourself, since people who are close to you have seen you at your worst and are likely to remember it more than you do.)
- Decisiveness. Chooses among available courses of actions without extensive periods of perplexity, indecision, hesitation, vacillation. Does not procrastinate.
- Objectivity. Accurately identifies and predicts the behavior of others without distortion and without intermingling his own subjective urgencies.
- Strength of will. In spite of consequent difficulties, persists in completing what he has resolved to do. Starts anew after failure without undue self-incrimination.
- Self control. Is capable, as necessary, of restraining or modifying impulses, emotions or feelings that are unacceptable. On the other hand, is capable of expressing basically enjoyable or satisfying tendencies without guilt, anxiety or conflict.
- Organizing ability. Lives an ordered life. Avoids hap hazard action. Schedules and organizes, makes plans and follows them.
Now, I'm not going to draw any conclusions for you based on what your answers might look like. These are intended to be thought and discussion starters that will help you be honest about yourself. But here's some more food for thought:
If you rated yourself a point or more lower on decisiveness than your friend did, it could indicate a poor self-image. The roots of poor self-image are often found in career issues, but can also be found in things beyond the scope of career counseling.
It's natural for friends and spouses to rate you low on objectivity since they consistently see you at your least objective. Again, this is merely meant to be a discussion starter.
People who are hurting or suffering from feelings of anxiety or self-incrimination often rate themselves low on strength of will.
A little more soul-searching to determine why is in order.
A high rating for self-control is common since, as I said earlier, we're taught to suppress negative feelings even in childhood.
A low rating from friends might not necessarily be significant, since they see us at our most uninhibited.
A high rating for organizing ability might be taken as a negative by some, as many in our society place a premium on spontaneity. I believe, however, that most employers consider it to be a positive.
The list I provided in this exercise can be expanded. Indeed, you may want to come up with your own list of qualities and work through it with a friend or spouse.
If there's anything you can do to help yourself see through your illusory self, do it. Living behind the facade of your illusory self will never bring you true success.
