Loss of identity brings with it loss of purpose, money, power and perks, as well as one of our primary sources for socialization. Maybe you are one of those people who gave yourself to the company-30 or 35 years of loyal service. Now you're unemployed. It's a tough pill to swallow, especially if your heart remains with that organization. So you are experiencing a loss-a loss similar to the death of a loved one or the dissolution of a 35-year marriage. It hurts.
In my reentry counseling I have learned that the field engineer experiences job loss as deeply as the executive vice president or the supply office secretary. The pain of job loss cuts across gender and rank. This is because you invested an enormous amount of time in the venture of work - much more even than in raising your children. Therefore, you tell yourself it was worth it-worth the extra hours, the ulcers, the headaches, the estrangement from family. Just from the perspective of hours spent, work represented a huge time investment. More than a quarter of your life was spent working. Once you found your niche, work also became a vehicle for self-expression and influence-whether it was on the assembly line or in the boardroom.
You also experience a loss of purpose. Work provided structure and purpose to your days. All activities seemed to revolve around work: You got up and got ready for work, spent 8 to 12 hours at work, unwound from work, and sometimes even prepared for the next day's work.
If you are like most people, you may be amazed at how slowly time goes now. You may have to search for things to do to fill the day.
Well, yesterday was your last day of boredom.
Beginning today, each minute matters and you need to be as energized as you were when you were working. No more afternoon naps. No more goofing off. And especially, no more feeling sorry for yourself. There just isn't time for that!
When we work, our paycheck becomes a given. Once it is removed, we doubt our potency. Why? Because our self-worth is determined in part by how much money we generate, what we can acquire with our money, and what our net worth is. Once the paychecks stop, our self-worth may change. Even if you have accumulated a great amount of money, you may feel uneasy cashing in assets to live on. You may even have calculated down to the day and hour how much longer you can dip into them before the alarm goes off.
I remember a $70,000-a-year executive who had been unemployed for three months. Figuring severance pay, he calculated he had four months to go before he would have to start selling off some assets to maintain his current lifestyle. When his teenage son said he needed $60 for football shoes, he chided him, saying, "I wish you'd told me about it earlier so I could have planned for it!" This was the same person who before regularly dropped $50 for lunch without thinking about it.
Money (or the lack thereof) makes us all a little crazy. Through the years I've tried to gain a perspective on it. I used to view money as a diminishing commodity: Somehow I was allotted X amount of dollars for life and once that was gone, well, that was it. Eventually I realized this was untrue. There is plenty of money, and we'll always be able to generate more for ourselves. Money is not to be hoarded and fretted over; it's to be used and enjoyed.
In the real world of business, money earned is a report card of work performed. Therefore, if for whatever reason we aren't generating any money, we may conclude we aren't worth much. I've found, however, that even when retirement or a career change is anticipated and planned, seemingly well-adjusted people still find it difficult to deal with the loss of a regular paycheck.
It even happened to my mother. Elizabeth was a successful junior-high-school math teacher for 28 years. Last spring she decided to retire. For years she had accepted retirement as just the next phase of her life. It meant she could come and go as she pleased. She would have time for both travel and her grandchildren. She was in excellent financial and physical health.
Yet retirement has not been an easy adjustment for her. Does she miss her students? A little. Does she miss interacting with other teachers? Hardly at all. Does she miss her monthly paycheck? Absolutely. In her eyes, it validated her self-worth and her contribution to society.
You may also feel your personal power is diminished. The last title you bore carried with it an appropriate degree of power-whether it was overseeing a multi million dollar budget and a 200-person department or being accountable to no one but yourself. Organizations are big on levels and titles, which is great for order and flow charts, but such structure can hinder creativity. Yet without a title and assigned functions, you may feel you're tottering on the edge of an abyss. You are, but try not to panic. View the chasm kindly because it represents your unrealized potential. Now is the time to tap into the right side of your brain and play with all the juxtapositions and possibilities that present themselves.
If the company you worked for was an industry leader, you probably enjoyed some prestige and power because of your affiliation with it. You have also probably experienced the rude awakening that jars those who leave such organizations. Where once you were treated with respect, perhaps even deference, now your phone calls are only returned when convenient. Life - in the office, in the school, in the agency, in the government-goes on without you. And without missing a beat. But does that make you powerless?
I think not. Actually, you are as powerful as you choose to be. True personal power comes from within; no one can bestow it on you. You may have felt more powerful when you were working, with a paycheck and a busy schedule, but think about it: Perhaps you were living your life to realize someone else's dreams and not your own. Or maybe you were buying into someone else's definition of success. You now have the opportunity to get in touch with your own dreams and make them reality. That sounds like a powerful position to me.
