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Don’t Attempt To Do It Alone

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The major task that occupies the to-do list of many an individual today is “job-search”. Start off on the right foot by not making the common mistake of attempting to go for it alone. Martyrdom is lonely, not to mention painful. You’ll receive no rewards or accolades for it either. Secret sufferers don't win points with the big one upstairs. You're not alone. Millions of others are in an identical boat.

Sure, it's hard asking for help. Our generation was raised to take care of ourselves. My dad insisted I be tough, macho, and streetwise. He told me to fight my own battles, do it alone, and rely on my own instincts. So what if I got the stuffing kicked out of me every so often and experienced daily doses of stinging rejection? Hey, those were the breaks and that's the way life worked. So why be a wimp and cry about it? In short, broadcasting weakness of any kind was considered a cardinal sin. Clearly not 21st century thinking.

IT'S OKAY TO BE HUMAN



Thankfully, times and attitudes have changed. The human race has been freed. We can let all our emotions hang out and be ourselves. We can cry, get angry, or lie down on the floor and have screaming temper tantrums.

Thanks to the powerful women's movement, female workers can be assertive and aggressively compete on the business front and in politics. Capitol Hill bureaucrats even gave women pilots, permission to fly fighter jets in battle.

Gays no longer have to pretend they're straight. They may not be totally accepted, but at least they're no longer ostracized and barred from jobs. The law is finally on their side. Long overdue. And men? Thanks to writers like John Bradshaw and Robert Bly, they're also getting into the act. Even though many are still resisting, a vocal minority are finding their feminine sides, making peace with their dads, joining encounter groups, and discovering its "okay" to express their innermost feelings and fears.

RELEARN AN OLD SKILL

With all this transition working for us, it shouldn't be difficult to build a solid support front, easing the burdens and frustrations of the job hunt.

Still, chances are, it's been a long time since you've pounded the pavement searching for work. All the more reason that you need as much support and encouragement as you can get. Job hunting is difficult for anyone, but it can be especially tedious if you've been out of the job market for a couple of decades. Take it from a pro. It's not that difficult once you get the hang of it.

As you'll soon discover, job searching can't be a part-time effort. It's got to be an obsession and become your life. The more allies you have in your corner, the easier it will be.

BUILD A WALL OF SUPPORT ON SEVERAL FRONTS

Keep in mind that different people can serve different functions. The more people you have to share your feelings and job-hunting experiences with, the better. Here are some key sources.
  • Family
Your home ought to be a safe haven, a combination oasis and comfort zone. This is the place where you can drop the act, stop playing the game, and just hang out and be yourself. Your family is your bulwark, your foundation and source of emotional sustenance. Don't leave family members out. It's unfair to you-and to them. After all, they're part of your grand scheme. Needless to say, they're affected both emotionally and financially by your unemployment. Include them in every step of the process. Share victories and disappointments with them. They deserve to know what's happening. And when nothing seems to be going right and you feel like throwing in the towel and heading to the Canadian Rockies, they'll be there to boost your ego. So don't be foolish. Your greatest allies are right in your own backyard.
  • Friends
Don't shut the door on friends. Don't be embarrassed about talking to a trusted friend about your job hunt. Like family, good friends sincerely care and want to help you in any way they can. When you are enmeshed in an exhausting job hunt, there will be times when you'll just want to get away from it all for an evening. A good friend is the ideal person to seek out. You're only human. You simply need to recharge your batteries with a few beers and some laughs before hitting the pavement again.
  • Support Groups
The past decade has seen a proliferation of self-help support groups, serving every conceivable need and problem, from Survivors of Incest Anonymous and Mothers against Drunk Drivers to the model for all support groups, Alcoholics Anonymous. There are over half a million support groups in the United States, boasting over 15 million members. And in the next few years, support group membership is expected to escalate dramatically. For good reason. In a complex society burdened with countless stresses, support groups are an accessible, cost-free solution available to anyone. They offer a place where people suffering from the same problem can nurture, learn from, and help one another. In a turbulent corporate environment that continues to pare its ranks of older workers, thousands of displaced professionals have sought solace in support groups. Who better to commiserate with than peers in the same situation? Support groups for unemployed older workers are popping up in every major city of the United States. And they're easy to find. Many states have self-help clearinghouses that track and monitor groups. All it takes is a phone call to find a group that can help you out.

Also, many churches, synagogues, and nonprofit organizations like the YMCA, YWCA, YMHA, and YWHA offer a variety of support services.

Forty Plus, for example, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping middle-aged, out placed executives find new jobs, offers members support groups plus a raft of other services

CREATE YOUR OWN MUTUAL SUPPORT GROUP

If none of these support styles appeal to you, nothing is preventing you from forming your own mutual support group. Many former corporate managers have enjoyed pouring surplus energy into getting small groups off the ground. It is easier than you think. A group can be started by running a three- or four-line ad in a local weekly or by posting a notice on a community bulletin board. Meeting space is easier to find than you realize. Explain the purpose of the group, and you'll be pleasantly surprised when schools, churches, banks, and even small companies agree to donate a room. Then it's up to you to harness your organizational and problem-solving skills to focus the group members on achieving some mutual goals.

Beyond sharing similar experiences, members can report on different sectors of the job market, passing on hints and tips. One job hunter's experiences can serve as valuable lessons for others. You'd be surprised how valuable these meetings can be. If a meeting serves no other purpose than to exchange battle talk from peers in the same fight, it's well worth your time.
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