If you've lost your job, you may feel that you've suffered a devastating blow and are very angry or depressed. People respond differently to losses like these and have different ways of coping, some taking a much longer time to bounce back than others. Even though you may feel you've "got to find a job right away," going out on interviews immediately might not be wise.
Some experts feel that it's counterproductive to dwell on your loss.
They believe that in the long run, you'll probably save time by taking a few days (two weeks maximum) to acknowledge your feelings, grieve over your loss, and then begin to do some things that will help you feel good about yourself before launching your job search. Here are some suggestions to help you move on.
En Route to a Positive Attitude: Get Rid of Depression and Anger
Psychologists Donald K. Freedheim and Dianne Tice suggest the following techniques for dealing with depression and anger?
- Do something nice for yourself. Treat yourself to a movie, a nice walk, a visit with a good friend.
- Walking and other physical exercise are therapeutic-excellent ways to shake off a bad mood.
- Remind yourself of past successes, personal as well as work-related accomplishments.
- Create small successes. Do something you have always wanted to do. If you learn a new skill, you accomplish two objectives simultaneously.
- Volunteer to help others. Freedheim suggests bringing some thing (especially meaningful is something you've made yourself) to a school, an ill person, a nursing home, or hospital. "If you don't know anyone in those circumstances," he advises, "simply ask who has not been visited lately and keep that person company. They will be delighted to see you,"
Compare yourself with those who are less fortunate, in a nursing home or hospital, for example. Gain perspective on your situation by recognizing that you have much to be thankful for.
Helping others brings other personal rewards. You will feel competent and appreciated. Whether you are tutoring a child, helping to build a home for the homeless, or assisting a nonprofit with your marketing expertise, you will probably learn something valuable from the experience. And you may even make some good networking contacts. Don't expect something in return. But something good may happen eventually.
"Being with others, especially friends, is the most common strategy which people use to feel better," Tice found in her study of strategies for changing moods.
Many job seekers find that participating in a support group is very helpful. They are not only comforted by knowing that there are other competent people facing the same plight, but they may also gain leads and other useful information. There is, however, the danger that support groups can become too comfortable, a club like refuge from the cold world outside.
- "Avoid social brooding, ruminating over your plight again and again with anyone who will listen," warns Tice. That's not only a turn-off for them, she explains, but her research shows it makes you angrier. Share your feelings once or twice with your spouse, a friend or a counselor, if you have not already done so.
- "Writing about your experience may help," Tice suggests, "but don't overdo it. Then move on."
- "Do something constructive." After your "cooling off period, you'll be in a better frame of mind to do something useful.
- Reframe. "Looking at the problem from another perspective can help you take control of it," Tice advises. "By changing your interpretation of what happened, you can begin to change your feelings about it."
Reframing and the other techniques described here will not only help you deal with any anger and depression you may have, they will help you develop a positive attitude. That's essential. You can study all the proven job-finding techniques and go through the motions of implementing them. But unless you communicate a positive attitude, you're starting this journey with your feet tied. One way or another, you've got to untie those knots. Your attitude is the single most important ingredient of your success in finding a job.
These suggestions are offered at the beginning of the book because you may need them now. You will probably need them later as well. Maintaining a positive attitude in the face of rejection is one of the most difficult things job seekers face. Come back to these suggestions. Use them when you're feeling "down." They can help you keep the disappointments, which are almost invariably a part of any job search, in perspective. And can help you get moving again.
