This can be a risk. People aren't always predictable. Sometimes, trusted buddies turn out to be fair weather friends while more distant acquaintances move in to fill the breach. As an account executive client of mine remarked, "You really find out who your friends are when the chips are down."
For this executive, the chips were down on the day her boss at the marketing research company where she worked ex pressed displeasure with her leadership abilities and gave her 60 days to straighten out. The problem, it turns out, reflected a conflict of values more than a lack of leadership. The account executive has a strong people orientation and tends to lead with her heart as much as her head. Her boss, a vice president, manages strictly in accordance with the numbers on the bot tom line. Employee welfare and job security aren't considerations for him. Thus, to avoid being called "too soft," the account executive had to deal with her staff in a manner markedly against her nature.
Soon, she began to question whether she really had the skills to survive in business. Certainly, no one in her company seemed to respect her abilities or regard her future. Her crisis of confidence was so strong that she sought professional assistance to determine whether she needed a career change.
As we talked, it became clear that she did need to toughen up emotionally and not take criticism of her abilities quite so seriously. She also needed to realize, though, that the respect she shows to subordinates is a strength, not a weakness. While it's important to acknowledge and deal with bottom line concerns, this doesn't have to mean treating others disrespectfully and unfairly.
Strengthened by our conversation, the account executive approached her boss with ideas for improving the bottom line without firing staff. When her boss didn't buy in, she decided to look for a more supportive business environment where her values and style would be more compatible with those of her co workers.
Most failures are symptoms that you need to make some kind of change. While it's tempting to see yourself as the victim of bad luck, you'll be better off if you figure out whether you're contributing to your own misfortunes.
Have you ever noticed, for example, that while you always end up on the short end of Fate, there are others who always seem to end up on the right side of it. Probably, it's no accident. Find me a person who always seems to be in the "right place at the right time," and I'll show you someone who knows how to recognize and convert opportunities to his or her own advantage. Blaming your bad luck on someone else is worse yet. It moves the locus of control "out there" where you can't do anything to make it better. What you really need to do is buckle down and figure out how to gain more control.
When you catch yourself falling into the blaming trap, a neon stop sign should go on in your head. Instead of falling into "poor me, rotten you" thinking, ask yourself how you can turn your defeat into a more positive experience. Perhaps you've been unfairly treated. Can you think of ways you could have handled the situation differently? Honestly, were you the stellar, outstanding citizen and employee you're now claiming to be? Did a competitor beat you, perhaps, because he actually had better skills or better connections?
Sometimes we lose out on things we really want because someone knew someone who knew someone who helped your rival gain the inside advantage. You can call it "rotten luck," or you can identify it as a need for better networking or more marketable job skills.
Don't waste time catastrophizing failure. Admittedly, it can and often does feel like the end of the world. Most failures, however, are temporary setbacks rather than career enders. The key is to be able to overcome the blow to your ego, which almost always occurs, so you can learn the lessons failure can teach.
Invariably, one of these lessons involves humility. No matter how high you climb, you'll always make mistakes. Owning up to those mistakes is part of the process of career growth. The name "Dr. Spock" was a household word to most baby boomers' parents, who religiously followed his recommendations when rearing their children. Because of his widespread success, Benjamin Spock never anticipated the criticism he'd receive a generation later at the hands of feminists who vehemently dis agreed with his advice. After these attacks. Dr. Spock retreated into emotional isolation to determine what had happened. At first he simply nursed his wounds. Once he got past the hurt, though, he began to see his critics' point. He adapted his view point publicly and acknowledged that fathers were equally capable of good child rearing practices.
It was a sign of Dr. Spock's wisdom and strength that he was eventually able to hear the criticism and respond to it appropriately. Otherwise, he would have quickly become an anachronism, a man who could not respond to the call of new times.
More important, you must learn to listen to the voice within yourself. Know what those nagging self doubts you carry in your head really mean lest you turn them into self fulfilling prophecy.
Karl Wallenda was the leader of the Flying Wallendas trapeze act and the greatest high wire walker in the world. He never thought about falling and he never did. But one night, he told his wife that he'd begun to think about falling. The next day, he fell to his death.
