Rather than eschew power (because you associate it with violence), you should seek it out and embrace it. After all, isn't it better for someone like you to have the power to do good? Or would you rather leave it in the hands of all those greedy, unethical people you detest? Just because you dislike the connivers' methods doesn't mean you have to let them win.
Consider taking some of the following steps:
- Sign up for courses that will improve your communication, team play and leadership skills. Then try out what you learn on the people who make your life most miserable. Practice until you get it right.
- Seek out assignments that enable you to work with a variety of colleagues, rather than the same old few you always get stuck with. This will improve your people skills, broaden your visibility and revitalize your workday. "Even if you're still working in the same company, it can be very energizing to work with new people," says Anderson. Request assignments with people you genuinely like. After hanging out with them awhile, you're sure to feel better about yourself and your company.
- Volunteer for a committee that's working on an interesting issue or project so you can develop an internal community of colleagues with shared interests and values.
- When you have the time and energy, pitch in to help others who are on "job overload." You'll build a reputation as a team player, and develop a supportive network to help you out should the favor ever need to be returned.
- Give credit where credit is due. Rather than try to steal the limelight for yourself, share it with others. People will feel better about working for and with you.
- Be on the lookout for little ways you can foster cooperation instead of conflict. When others sense your attitude, they may mellow, too.
- Don't harbor grudges. They build ill will and give you ulcers. Chronic anger is a symptom of a serious emotional problem. It has a way of catching up with people who hold onto it too long.
Hate is not a productive emotion. It clouds your vision, distorts your judgment and makes you resent everything and everyone. Hatred kills the spirit and paralyzes you with bitterness. A prominent psychiatrist once commented: "Some of the most self-destructive acts take place in the name of revenge."Consider, for example, a compensation and benefits manager who was furious with her boss, the senior VP of human resources, for "playing favorites" with another manager. The senior VP vehemently denied this was the case, but she refused to believe him. Instead, she went behind his back-and over his head-to complain about him. Because of the man's outstanding reputation with his superiors, all she managed to do was call attention to the conflict and soil her own standing in the company.
When your emotions are out of control at work, it's always a good idea to take some time to cool down before trying to resolve whatever's bugging you. Accusations made in anger are usually unprofessional, inappropriate and counterproductive. Once said, they can never be taken back and are seldom forgotten. In the heat of the moment, strong feelings can convert small flare-ups into enduring animosities that can destroy a career. Rather than go into an emotional tailspin, try (if possible)to develop more of a rational problem-solving approach. For example, the senior VP who'd supposedly been giving prefer entertainment realized that the problem was destroying his division's morale. To remedy the situation, he hired a consultant to work with his group to develop better communication and team skills.
Take Responsibility for Your Own Happiness
If you want to be happier at work, you have to accept responsibility for your own happiness. How?
By knowing what you can and can't change. This means evaluating the sources of your dissatisfaction to determine where you can expand your sphere of influence. Often, you can do more than you realize. Since unhappiness (like happiness) is a feeling rather than an objective state of being, you can almost always improve your satisfaction level just by thinking different thoughts. Instead of seeing what's wrong and bad all the time, train your eye to see the positive aspects of a person or situation. Even if the facts never change, you'll feel better for the effort.
A personal anecdote comes to mind:
Several months ago, I was teaching a resume-writing workshop to a group of managers who'd recently been declared "at risk" by their corporate employer. In the workshop, I made an innocuous comment to a participant in which I pointed out that her professional affiliation with a black organization implied that she was black even though she wasn't.
Another participant overheard my remark and mistakenly assumed that I meant it was bad to be black, which anyone who knows me realizes I'd never say because I don't believe it. The words were taken out of context, however, and blown up into something akin to World War III.
Ultimately, I was exonerated (and everyone agreed that it was simply a misunderstanding). But, in the meantime, I was raked over the coals for my comment and treated much like a common criminal, despite my excellent reputation working with this company for more than five years. To add insult to injury, the contract firm for whom I worked has never offered mean other assignment, costing me many thousands of dollars in revenues.
On hearing the story, a friend of mine (whose opinion I cherish dearly) laughed sympathetically and said: "I don't ever want to hear you complain you don't have enough power. One little comment from you pushed two major companies into closed-door negotiations for weeks!"
His comment was eye-opening for me. Instead of feeling like a pawn in a political maelstrom, I suddenly felt strong and serene. And while the incident cost me some sleepless nights, it also made me more confident of my ability to handle tough situations and thankful for the chance to distinguish my allies from false pretenders.
It may be a cliché to say "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," but in my case, it was definitely true. The incident taught me courage and resiliency, two sorely needed traits for my arsenal of capabilities.
Knowing what you can change and how to do so is an important key to career satisfaction. On the flip side, it also helps to know what things lie outside your sphere of influence and accept that reality, too.
How to Cure Workplace Loneliness
If you feel lonely at work, make a concerted effort to become more accessible. Develop a list of "social goals" that increase your opportunities for communication and participation. The steps you take should include the following:
- Volunteer for committees, projects or task forces that will allow you to work with a variety of people.
- Ask to serve as a liaison between departments or divisions.
- Request customer service and/or vendor/supplier relations responsibilities.
- Make a point of smiling and saying "good morning" to everyone you see on your way in the door,
- Go out to lunch with your colleagues. Don't eat at your desk.
- Participate in occasional after-work gatherings.
- Go to company outings such as annual picnics, golf excursions and Christmas parties.
- Carpool to work.
- Devote time each day to discussing non-work activities.
- Don't complain about your workload, job activities, boss or coworkers. Dwelling on your problems will only make you more unhappy.
- Praise others' work. You'll make the people you laud and yourself feel good.
- Make friends with positive people. Avoid perpetual naysayers.
- Say "no" to mean-spirited gossip.
- Add the simple phrase, "Thank you," to your everyday vocabulary. A little appreciation can go a long way.
You may not like your job, but it doesn't have to ruin your life. Even if you aren't free to leave, you can always find ways to improve your situation.
Sometimes, the only thing you can really change is your attitude. You may have to work hard, on occasion, to maintain a sense of humor. But have some fun, even if you don't always feel like laughing. By lightening things up, you make your work day more enjoyable. And when the 9-to-5 part of your life goes more smoothly, it tends to make your night life better, too.
Every negative has a potential positive:
If you're bored with your job, you'll have more energy and enthusiasm for the things you do after work, including hobbies, family outings and community activities. If you don't like the people you work with, it'll make you more appreciative of the time you spend with others. If office politics are down-and-dirty, what better time to develop some political savvy?
You may not like the struggle, but at least you can find something positive in it for you.
Have a Plan to Get Out
If you hate your job, you should develop a blueprint for leaving, even if you can't implement it immediately. When you know you're actively engaged in creating alternatives, you can put your current situation into a larger context that makes it more tolerable.
"It helps to know that even though you aren't happy now, you won't have to be unhappy forever," says Laurie Anderson."It's just a question of negotiating the timing."
