This isn't the only time I've seen perfectly capable professionals talk themselves into believing they're worthless and incompetent. Low self esteem and interpersonal conflicts with bosses or co workers are often at the heart of this self defeating scenario.
A little reality testing can go a long way toward checking such self destructive fantasies (and they usually are fantasies). By networking with people who'd worked with her before, the technical trainer got some objective feedback on her performance that helped mitigate her anxieties.
If a lack of self confidence is blocking your ability to seek out better opportunities, it may help to test the job market before reaching any final decisions. You can make a commitment to look around without making a commitment to leave. Should your first foray into the job market reveal that you are, in fact, missing a crucial skill or piece of experience, you can establish short term goals for yourself that will fill that gap. Then, once you've built the necessary expertise, you'll be able to move on.
Should you discover (as many do) that no one has a lower opinion of you than yourself, you may want to consider professional counseling. A major self esteem problem can really get in the way of your success.
I'll Never Make as Much Money Anywhere Else
Having worked your way up to a respectable salary level, it's understandable you'd resist giving up one cent of those hard earned dollars.
You may just be using money as an excuse to keep you from testing the waters. Again, you can make a commitment to look without making a commitment to leave. At least that way, you can base your decisions on logic and fact, not folklore.
Before the technical trainer left her large corporate employer for a smaller consulting firm, she, too, assumed that she'd have to take a significant hit on the money. In fact, the firm's offer did come in $5,000 short. She was so sure she'd have to take a pay cut, she didn't think about negotiating for more.
After some coaching, though, she was able to convince her new employer to meet her salary demands. What's more, she was told they would have been disappointed in her if she hadn't counter offered.
So much for her assumptions! As a professional, your first goal should be to build the most impressive skill set possible so you can command more money in the marketplace. Your second task is to research and target companies that can really capitalize on the things you have to offer.
During interviews, you must do your utmost to convince hiring managers of the value you bring with you. Once you show you can solve their organizational problems, you can explain how much it will cost them.
Then, come back and tell me no employer will match your current salary and (maybe) I'll believe you. Lie
Maybe Things Will Get Better
If you wait them out, some work situations do improve. But it depends on how or why they got worse. Nine years ago, a human resources generalist joined a major health care corporation. Six months later, she was involved in her first reorganization. Although she survived with her job intact, her workload virtually doubled overnight. "Don't worry," her manager told her. "Things will get better."
That was more than eight years ago. Since then, she's been through five different restructurings. Whenever she wasn't personally affected, she was laying others off.
She just can't get excited about these changes anymore.
She's heard lies too many times. Still, she's reluctant to leave.
She has nine years in-long enough to know her way around the system and feel comfortable with lots of people. Besides, she's still convinced she can find a safe part of the company that won't be restructured.
Some people have trouble learning from experience, I guess.
It's Fault I'm Not Happy
Blaming yourself for not liking your job won't solve any problems. If you want to take more responsibility for your happiness, you need to think in terms of "mismatch," not faultfinding. Trying to understand why your job, company or field doesn't suit your needs will help you redirect your energies toward creating a better match.
For example, a social worker found the family counseling center she worked at too much like a dysfunctional family, with everyone over involved in everyone else's business. While most of her co workers loved the "family feeling" of the place, she felt guilty for wanting an atmosphere that encouraged more professionalism and greater independence. Eventually, she came to realize that leaving the agency was like growing up and leaving home. At a certain time in life, it's definitely the right thing to do. Once she figured that out, she knew it would be crazy to stay.
You can come up with a million (untrue) reasons why you can't leave a situation you dislike. But when you deny reality (or the depth of your unhappiness), it has a way of catching up with you. If you do nothing to remedy the situation you hate, there's a good chance you'll end up being terminated. You may try to hide your feelings from co workers, but negativity has a way of seeping out when you least expect it. Most of us don't have very good poker faces.
This is exactly what happened to a sales rep with an aluminum siding company who wanted to work in a more glamorous industry. While he vacillated about whether to stay or to go, he stopped paying enough attention to his numbers. They dipped way below quota, and before he realized what was happening, he had three months of severance pay and carte blanche to find something that suited him better.
Likewise, an office manager was so bored with performing the same old duties day in and day out that she could barely manage to drag herself to the office in the morning, and never before 9:30. From there, it was a short step to long lunch hours and even longer weekends. Only a Neanderthal could have missed her lack of motivation. Like the sales rep, she got her walking papers along with three months' pay to figure out what she wanted to do next.
