The important thing to remember, when you start to believe you caused the situation, is that there is a difference between taking responsibility and blaming yourself. There may be some things you would do differently if given the chance, but you have to realize that in all likelihood you would still be out of a job. Especially during difficult economic times, job loss is most likely due to economic concerns rather than personal differences. In fact, even if you were let go because of a "personality conflict," instead of berating yourself for past mistakes, take responsibility for learning what you can that will help you move forward in your career.
It's Not as Embarrassing as You Think
"The first few days I was home, I didn't know where to start," one unemployed editor recalls. "My wife suggested that I call some friends and colleagues for help and advice. I told her, "No need. I have my own ideas." In truth, I was too embarrassed to tell anyone I was out of work. I didn't want to see any of our friends, and I avoided situations that meant I'd have to see them. I refused to go to any social gatherings. One day I realized I hadn't even been outside the house in more than ten days." If someone steals your car, if a close friend or family member dies, or if your house is decimated by a tornado, you wouldn't think to react with embarrassment and shame. In some ways, job loss can be just as random an event as any of those tragedies, yet many people still feel humiliation, refusing to ask for help and support while looking for a new job.
"I realized I'd been hiding for two months," one business analyst said of her six-month period of unemployment. "I hadn't even told my own parents that I was out of work. It was as if I had been caught driving under the influence or something. As I look back on that now, I realize how self-defeating it was not to start talking to people right away. All the job experts tell you to network. How could I network in my family room with the blinds drawn and my answering machine on?"
Of all the emotional reactions to losing a job, shame and embarrassment can be the most damaging. If you are too embarrassed to talk to people, your most valuable job-search tool – networking – is destroyed. One of the best ways to combat feelings of embarrassment over losing your job is to talk with others who have suffered the same fate. Commiserate with someone who was laid off with you, even if you don't know the person very well. Find out if a local church or community organization has a support group for people who have experienced sudden job loss. Above all, do it quickly. Because embarrassment over losing your job is counterproductive, you need to disarm the feeling before it can sidetrack your critical job-search tasks.
