Be as specific as you possibly can: Decide how many days your spouse should spend assessing his or her past positions and deciding what kind of positions to look for. After deciding on positions and what companies to target, set aside a Saturday morning to brainstorm on the names to include in a job search network. Decide how much time it will take him or her to develop an effective resume. Agree on dates by which he or she will have contacted each person in his or her network.
Decide what parts of the plan will be your responsibility.
After all, you are in this together. You can help by taking over some of the menial tasks for your husband or wife: typing resumes, stuffing envelopes, organizing a tickler file for the network of contacts. Be sure you are both actively involved in the job search process.
In short, create a project plan for the job search and work together to make sure that it happens. If you are working during the day, agree on one or two times each day when you will call each other to talk about that day's accomplishments. Agree to set aside at least one half hour every night for a status meeting. Talk about what works well and what needs to be improved.
Not only will an active plan help your spouse find a job more quickly, you will also both feel in control of the situation. In some ways, finding another job is simply a numbers game. If you and your spouse are busy making contacts and sending resumes, neither of you will have as much time to worry about your present situation.
Work Together to Eliminate Distractions
Right now, finding another job is your spouse's job. You and the rest of the family need to be sure nothing gets in the way of that task. You may have decided that you can save money on day care by leaving the kids home with dad during the day. The money you save may be negated by the fact that he spends more time with them than he does looking for another job. If the children are old enough to understand, they must be told that, for a set number of hours each day, no one is to bother your spouse. They need to understand that mom or dad is "at work" during those hours and should only be bothered during an absolute emergency.
If your children are not old enough to understand these kinds of limits, you may have to come up with an alternative form of child care temporarily. You may have to ask for help from neighbors or friends one or two days each week or you may have to hire a baby sitter for a few hours each day. Whatever money you spend will be an investment in reducing the amount of time your spouse is out of work.
Finally, don't load your spouse's schedule with a list of chores you haven't had time to get to lately. His or her job is to find a new job, not to spend time fixing that stuck window or replacing the screen on the kitchen door. If there are a few tasks he or she would like to accomplish while out of work, agree that they will only be tackled after each day's job search plans are completed.
Just Take a Job. Any Job
"I didn't care what kind of job she found after a while. I just wanted it to be over," one man lamented of his wife's job search. Because you aren't the one looking for a job, it is easier for you to discount some of your spouse's job search criteria. As you both agree on job search criteria, you may need to also agree on what types of positions would be acceptable second choices, and how soon you would both start to consider one of those second choice positions.
Again, if you agree in advance how long you can last financially, you can set some reasonable limits for accepting a second or third choice position if the job search takes longer than you anticipated. You and your spouse both need to remember that your chief goal should be finding a job position that is a good fit for him or her and that also provides your family with the financial security you have agreed you need. If he or she cannot find a first choice position in a reasonable time frame, however, your spouse may need to agree to accept something less than his or her ideal job.
As with every part of the unemployment problem, you need to discuss all options together and come to reasonable conclusions about what you both find acceptable. The earlier you start to make these agreements with each other, the easier it will be for both of you to deal with the uncertainties of your spouse's job search.
