In addition, people may actually be less sympathetic towards a woman who is unemployed. "If I had a nickel for everyone who said to me, 'But you don't really need the money,' I wouldn't have needed another job," one woman remembers. Friends or relatives may think they know what you and your wife's financial situation is and whether or not the two of you can survive without her income. Regardless of the financial situation, when friends and family dismiss a woman's career simply because she doesn't "need the money," she may feel even more discouraged.
Your wife may find that she is constantly having to explain herself and her choices. If her mother has been waiting years to be a grandmother, your wife may be in for some "I told you so" reactions. Regardless of what changes society has gone through, many people still see women's careers as frivolous extras that can get in the way of women's real role: bearing and raising children.
Even though you may be trying to cheer her up, you need to avoid minimizing the loss of your wife's job. If you say, "Hey, honey, we really don't need the money," to reduce her money worries, you may also be minimizing the important choices she has made in her life. She needs to hear that her career choices are important and that you believe this is just a temporary setback in her career.
Above all, your wife's job loss should not be seen as a sign that the two of you should start a family or have another child. Unless your wife was planning to leave her job soon to raise children, be careful about using her job loss as an excuse. Job loss is an extremely traumatic situation. You should avoid making major decisions while your wife is out of work.
Common Ground: Forming a Partnership
Having empathy for your husband's or wife's position can go a long way in easing the situation for both of you. Beyond understanding each other's position, though, you need to realize that job loss has happened to both of you and that the best way to survive it is to work as partners, partners that support each other, talk to each other, and bear equal shares of the burden for maintaining family security. The rest of this article talks about ways to define a partnership to work with your spouse through this difficult time.
As the spouse of someone out of work, your role in the partnership involves a number of key elements. You need to be realistic and positive. You need to take an active, supportive, non blaming role in your spouse's job search. Probably most important of all, you need to pay attention to your own worries so that you can provide the support system your spouse needs.
How Can I Be Supportive When I'm Worried Myself?
"In the 'for better or worse' category, it was definitely one of the 'worse' times," one woman says as she recalls the time her husband was out of work. Unemployment can isolate the person who is out of a job. If your wife spends her days at home sending resumes and making telephone calls, you may be the first person she sees all day. No matter what your day was like, when you walk through the door you find that she needs reassurance. You may have spent the day in meetings, thinking about how long you can make the mortgage payments on your salary alone. When you come home, though, you're expected to put all that aside and deal with her worries and concerns.
For some men, their wives are the only people they feel comfortable talking with about feelings and worries. Because men were raised to be breadwinners, being unemployed is an embarrassing situation they may not want to discuss with anyone but their wives. If you are the wife of someone who is unemployed, this can place an unrealistic burden on you to be the sole support of your husband during this time.
Worse yet, your spouse may refuse to accept anyone's help, even yours. If you don't know what he's feeling, if she won't discuss her concerns with you at all, you can begin to feel helpless and unable to control the situation.
Women bear a different burden when they lose a job. Read more here.
lose a job, career women, career goals, career choices, job loss, job search, wife's job loss
