As you face your spouse's raw emotional responses, you'll need to keep building a positive emotional framework for him or her. You need to affirm the reality of the situation, helping your spouse realize that his or her feelings are not fact. Unemployed people tend to shift between extremes, either catastrophizing or minimizing their situation. Strong, positive statements reaffirming your spouse s fine qualities help build a more realistic picture.
'You were good enough to get the last job. You're good enough to get the next one," one wife repeatedly told her husband while he was out of work. He couldn't argue with the reality: He had been good enough to get the last job.
Once you develop a budget, you can use it as a strong tool in your campaign to accentuate the positive. Remind your spouse that you worked out the financial concerns and that you will be able to take care of each other. Time is on your side, this will not go on forever, and you have both agreed on a financial plan that will tide you through. Remind your spouse that he or she does have a job right now-finding another job. The more he or she can focus on his or her positive qualities, the quicker that will happen.
As you focus on the positive, you can also talk about the positive aspects of the fact that your spouse no longer works for his or her former employer. Especially if your spouse's former employer had financial problems for a long period of time, he or she may actually be relieved not to be under that stress. You can help him or her focus on the future, on potential employers that are more financially stable, on companies that offer him or her more room for professional growth.
"Mark just looked better," Jenny pointed out. "Almost immediately after he severed the relationship with his company, he looked better and he felt better. The stress of an unreasonable situation was finally lifted off his shoulders."
Remind your spouse that the two of you have been through difficult times before and that you will work through this together. "I kept telling her that the job wasn't as important as the fact that we would get through this," one man said, remembering his wife's low times. "I'd say it at least once a day: If we can get through this, we can get through anything.' "
Keep a Sense of Humor
Make it your goal to make your spouse laugh at least once a day. Rent a movie you know will force at least a smile. Get a picture of his or her former boss (or the company's logo) and put it on a dart board in the family room. Take turns to see who has the better shot. Make a "Top 10 List" of your favorite management blunders perpetrated by your spouse's former employer. Record the dumbest responses you've heard from friends or family when you told them one of you lost a job. Spend time talking about the worst date you ever had.
The point is, laughter can help relieve tension, and it will help you both forget your situation for a moment. Laughter may be your best-some days your only-weapon in a situation that can seem completely out of control.
