Owning Your Own Life
"I was absolutely committed to my former employer," one engineer recalled. "I used to routinely put in 14- or 15-hour days, and I can't count the number of weekends I lost. I will never be that dedicated again. I look at my new job as strictly a business relationship. They pay me to do good work and in exchange I give them good work and a reasonable work week. But they don't own my life and they never will. I'm not as inclined to work late or be there on Saturday. When I was out of work, I realized how important my family and friends were in pulling me through. Now I realize that no job will ever again be important enough for me to sacrifice my family for the sake of the job."
Especially if you used to work for a large company that fostered the image of a corporate family, you may have invested a great deal of emotional energy into your former employer. If you have been through the experience of losing a job, you should begin to realize that work is something you do in exchange for a salary. You will probably never be able to give the same loyalty to your new employer because you now realize that your emotional commitment to the company didn't match their business interest in you.
"I realized I had invested my life in that place," Maureen, a formerly unemployed market researcher said, "to the point that the company became a substitute family. I'm single so I don't have a lot of family commitments, and it seemed as though they were willing to take anything and everything I could give. I found out after I was laid off that one of the criteria they used in choosing who would get the ax was whether or not the individual had a family to support. Because I didn't have a family to support, I was one of the first on the list. Now I have a new job, but for the first time in six years, I also have a life. I spend less time at the office and more time doing other things that matter to me." As you can see, one of the positive reactions people have to losing a job is the realization that they don't owe their lives to their employers. After going through the experience yourself, you can come to the same realization: An employer doesn't own you. The company you work for pays you in exchange for reasonable time and effort but not for your undying loyalty and 24- hour-per-day commitment.
Keeping The Valuable Lessons
If you have been through the experience of being unemployed, you've probably learned some valuable lessons. You've learned that you always need to be open to other options in your career, and you have learned to watch for signs that your current employer may be in trouble. In addition, you are probably now more aware of and in control of your financial situation. Finally, you've learned to reassess your life and decide what part of your time and energy you're willing to give your new employer, and what part belongs to you and your family.
These are valuable lessons that you may never have learned any other way. These lessons can make you more financially secure, more active in managing your own career, and more content with your personal life. Rather than try to forget the experience ever happened, you need to remember what you've learned as you focus on the future.
''No doubt about it, being unemployed was an awful experience," Maureen agrees, "but I've walked away from it with some important lessons I might not have learned any other way. I realize I own my own career now and I'm more open to new opportunities than I ever was before. I also realize what belongs to me and what belongs to the company. Granted, losing a job is not the most painless way to learn what I've had to learn. But at least I know I'll never lose those important career and personal lessons, no matter what happens down the road."
