- Act 1: Setting the Stage (clarifying the agenda, allocating responsibilities).
- Act 2 : Frame of Reference (providing the contact with information).
- Act 3: What to Say in Q&A (exchanging information, educating, learning and refining the focus).
- Act 4: The Name Game (extending the network and obtaining more contacts).
- Act 5: Closing Up and Getting Out.
- Act 6: The Follow-Up (closing the loop and delivering on the deal).
Act 1. Setting The Stage
Setting the stage on how much time you spend on introductory pleasantries and doing other things to set the stage will depend on how thoroughly the purpose of the meeting and the roles of the players were discussed when you requested the meeting. A lot of meetings get off to a confused, mushy start because the contact doesn't know or has forgotten who referred the networker and why; what the contact is supposed to know that will be of use to the networker.
The networker's status and time frame: Is the networker thinking of making a change? Currently employed and running a confidential job search? Unemployed and working full-time on job search efforts? Just finishing school? Planning on making a change next year? This also includes what the networker expects to get out of the meeting.
In every meeting, concentrate first on the process by taking a moment to reset the stage. One of the best ways to discipline yourself is to imagine that the contact has just said, "Hi. How can I help you?" Respond to this question and everyone will be on firm footing at the start.
Here is an example: Marlene, I want to thank you again for taking the time to see me on such short notice. I know how busy you are, so I very much appreciate your help, and I promise I'll keep this short and sweet. You may remember that when we talked last week, I mentioned that for the past three years I've been the chief legislative aide for state senator John LaRousse and that he had just lost in the primary. His whole staff will be out of work at the end of the year. I want to get a head start on developing new employment now, and if I can develop something attractive, John understands that I'll resign immediately to take it.
It was only in my last job that I moved into legislative and government work. However, I'm already finding that most people assume I want to stay in politics, when actually I'd like to get back toward my old career path in developing and managing human service programs. Several people I've networked with, particularly Stan Wolfe, thought of you immediately and said that as a strategic planning consultant to foundations and nonprofits, you were familiar with a lot of organizations and knew key people in that sector. I hope I made it clear when we spoke that my purpose in calling wasn't to request a job with your consulting firm. I know a lot of people turn these "networking" meetings into pleas for a job, but I assure you that's not my objective.
It would be helpful, however, if I could summarize my background and current priorities both to get some visibility and see if they make sense to you and perhaps pick your brain about trends you see, areas I might explore, or other contacts I should try to meet with.
There are several points to observe as you set the stage. Your opening monologue has to sound like human conversation and not like a rehearsed, perfunctory recitation. All spark or warmth will leave the meeting if there's a nearly audible click as you switch on your "canned" announcement and drone on until you have finished.
Act 2: Frame of Reference
Once the stage is set and you're sure that you and the contact are working on the same plot, you shift from structuring the setting to providing the contact with a Frame of Reference about you.
Maybe the best way to start is for me to take just a second to give you a quick thumbnail sketch of my background that includes what I've been doing and what I want to do next. Then you proceed with your two-minute drill. This approach sounds easy, but it's at this point that many networking meetings jump the rails and never get back on track again. The purpose of the frame of reference is to deliver a brief, concise summary so the contact has enough information to ask relevant questions. It isn't intended to provide a sales pitch, an encyclopedic history of your life, or answers to questions that haven't been asked yet.
A frame encloses a subject and sets boundaries. If you're still giving a "brief summary" after ten minutes, you're depriving the contact of the chance to talk, to ask questions, and to be the wise expert. The contact may unwittingly abet your verbosity by asking, during your two-minute drill, questions that invite you to elaborate on some point, then another question about your elaboration, and so on. If that happens, gracefully field and hold the question until you've finished framing your personal profile.
At this stage of any networking meeting, you should ask yourself, "If this meeting ended right now, could this contact describe me accurately to someone else in terms of level, role or function and setting?" That's the most elementary requirement of any successful networking meeting, and you should work hard to maintain gentle discipline to achieve it. There will be plenty of time to meander and elaborate after you've constructed your frame.
Act 3: What to Say in Q&A
Networking has three fundamental goals, to compile information, to gain maximum exposure and to gather names in order to continue to expand your network.
By this point in the meeting, the exposure goal has been met, at least minimally. You showed up, you've been seen, and you've hopefully made a positive impression and provided a bare-bones frame of reference. Even if the meeting produces no further benefit beyond this exposure, it has been worth your time. In the give and take of information, the meeting can really get interesting. What's of interest to any particular networker depends on his needs and on where he stands in the whole job search or career transition process.
When it comes to Q&A, you may want to abbreviate the give-and-take a bit. Choose three or four of the most fundamental or important issues you want to explore, and "laundry list" them, letting the contact know that this meeting isn't going to go on forever:
Bill, before we close, there were a couple of specific points I would very much value your opinion on: how much you think a Master's degree in Public Health would help me in getting an administrative job in managed care; whether my background in running a 21-operating-room suite in a 1,000-bed acute care hospital would help or hinder my getting involved in running outpatient and ambulatory care programs; and whether you think I ought to take some courses or get some training in health care finance.
Act 4: The Name Game:
In many meetings, the process of asking for and receiving names of other potential contacts will be mixed in with all the other questions and answers. If so, great! No arbitrary division of these areas of inquiry is necessary. But if the meeting is winding down and you haven't been given the identities of other people you might talk with, you have to ask for their names.
This act is botched by many networkers; they ruin the positive impression they've successfully created earlier in the meeting by asking for names as if they're asking for a gift: "Can you give me the names of other people I should talk to?" The networking contact thinks, "I've known you for only 40 minutes and you're asking me for a present?" There are subtler, equally effective ways of getting names.
Instead of asking directly and risking offending the contact you might match the request to some point made earlier and make it look like an extension of the previous conversation and ask something like this: You mentioned a friend who had enrolled in an executive MBA program. Do you think it would be helpful if I talked to her? Can you think of anyone else I might talk to who has team-building experience or who has done a lot of group facilitation work? Of the people you know who have moved from staff jobs into line management, who do you think might be most receptive to a request for a networking meeting?
A very focused way of asking for names is to ask for specific information. In this case, you could ask the following question: Who are the people who hold relevant positions in a specific company or setting? You said you started your career in employee relations at Mega Big. Who's in charge of human resources there now? Would it make sense for me to call her?
Once the names start coming, ask permission to jot them down and then jot them down correctly. It irritates many people if you start scribbling furiously in front of them before asking, "Is it OK if I just take these names down?" Keep a 5 x 7 card in your purse or jacket pocket, and make sure you get the correct spellings and genders, for example, is Lee a Mr. or a Ms.?
You may think this is silly, because you won't have any trouble remembering a couple of names after the meeting. Not so. Once you depart the mild stress of the networking environment, all names, locations, and pertinent facts will try to flee your fevered brain. If you haven't captured them on paper, you have only two choices: You could lose the name of the contact forever, the prospect of which should drive you crazy, or you may have to call the contact and ask, "What was the spelling of the name of the fellow at Amalgamated again?" And he'll say, "Smith. S-M-I-T-H. Smith. John Smith." Naturally, you'll feel like a dolt and the contact's opinion of your mental acuity may drop a little.
More important is the protocol of a request to use this contact's name when extending your network to these new names. It's a major networking sin to use someone's name to help you get a networking meeting without getting clear, unequivocal permission to do so.
When asking permission to drop the contact's name, don't make a common vocabulary mistake by saying, "Swell. I'll give Bill a call. When I do, may I use you as a reference?" Wrong word. A reference is a voucher, a statement of personal support. After knowing you for about an hour, your contact has no reason to offer a reference. The appropriate word is referral, a very different concept. "May I use you as a referral?" may sound a little heavy. The request can be made less confrontational: "Bill sounds like a very valuable person to talk with, and I'll call him immediately. When I do, may I mention that we spoke?"
There may be perfectly valid reasons why the answer will be no. The contact may be familiar with another person's reputation or expertise without being personally acquainted. In such cases, the dropping of the contact's name will produce no leverage whatsoever, and you either have to go in cold or locate another person who is personally acquainted with the target contact and is willing to let his name be used as a referral.
An issue of confidentiality or political sensitivity may give your contact pause. If your contact expresses any discomfort at being identified as a referral, much less being asking to make an introduction, back off immediately. This isn't the time to press.
A well-intentioned contact may not only give you valuable names, but may offer to call them or write to them, introducing you and providing a personal imprimatur. The extra credibility and leverage provided by such introductions are invaluable, if they happen. In the glow of an upbeat networking meeting, your contact may get all geared up even to grabbing the phone and trying to get through right now and then lose momentum when the person isn't immediately available, or forget about the promise once the networking meeting with you is history.
Act 5: Closing Up and Getting Out
When someone asked vertically endowed Abe Lincoln how long a man's legs should be, he said, "Just long enough to reach the ground." The same is true with a networking meeting: when you've completed the agenda, take the initiative to bring things to a close. When it's done, it's done; you don't gain anything, and you can lose a lot of goodwill, by lapsing into small talk, digging into your supply of ribald jokes, or otherwise overstaying your welcome. A shy or scrupulously polite contact may have trouble telling you, "Hey, we're done. Get out of here." It's up to you to initiate closure:
This has been most helpful. We've certainly worked through the areas I wanted to cover, unless I'm forgetting something. If so, would it be okay if I gave you a quick call with a specific question? In any event, I'm most grateful for your help, and I certainly will keep you posted on how things go from here. Oh, would it serve any purpose at all if I left a copy of my resume with you?
Act 6: The Follow-Up
You're outside the building again. You did fine. The meeting had a nice pace, and the contact's body language expressed interest and enthusiasm. You didn't make any horrendous mistakes and you projected focus and confidence. You got a few potentially valuable names and the contact's promise to make some personal introductions later.
But you're not done yet. After the meeting, one brief but extremely important step remains; the follow-up. No smirks or yawns here, please. This isn't the thank you note your mom told you to write your Aunt Minnie to thank her for your birthday present.
An implicit promise underlies all networking meetings: If you give me a little of your precious time, I'll guarantee you the satisfaction of having helped me. This pitch, you will recall, is aimed at the universal human urge toward empowerment. Merely saying thank-you at the close of the meeting probably isn't enough to satisfy your guarantee. Drop the contact a brief thank-you note (handwritten if your writing is legible) after you've acted on any single suggestion or bit of advice the contact provided. Notice how smoothly an I-took-your-advice item is worked into this letter:
Dear Nora:
Thanks once again for taking time out of your busy schedule to see me on Tuesday. Your thoughts on discount merchandising of maternity outfits were particularly helpful, and your suggestion that I talk with Leo Kohlski proved an incredible door opener. I've already met with Leo, who immediately introduced me to his three partners, and they say they can get me a booth at next month's trade show. Outstanding! A major break. I'll certainly keep you posted, both on what happens at the trade show and on my progress generally. If I can ever return the favor in any way, please don't hesitate to call.
This innocuous-sounding note has carried a ton of freight. The contact has the satisfaction of knowing that she's been of help. She may be impressed by how promptly and actively you pursued her suggestion and by your initiative. Finally, you've adroitly laid the groundwork for periodic future follow-up calls to see whether the contact has heard or learned, since the meeting, anything new that is of value to you. The cost-benefit ratio for the five minutes it takes to direct a post-meeting follow-up note to each contact is extraordinarily high.
See Why Networkers Share Their Time for more information.
People who feel that their urge to help has been exploited are a major source of the bad-mouthing that networking receives. Too many networkers never take the time to thank the contact promptly after a meeting or to follow up with information on the progress or outcome of their job search efforts. A general manager of a consulting firm complained:
Who needs this? If networkers don't have the courtesy to thank me for my time or the sense to check back with me, they can count on my having some unkind things to say about them if their name ever comes up in conversation. I have a long memory for inconsideration. I don't get mad. But I do get disappointed. And believe me, I do get even.
